Everything, and everyone you know will ditch, decay, or die.
My crown sat high on the chessboard. I was the king of the black. Around me laid the tools of my success. I played the wrong game.
The first two turns were a merciless assault of one close death after the other. The third and fourth brought to me a mass exodus. The past five turns have been a suffocating, dehumanizing necrosis. Piece by piece I have struggled to maintain some sense of sanity as I slowly descend into this grave. Talent squandered, care devoted to poor choices and poor people, attention constantly diverted toward the stars of systems light-years away. I can’t see around the mirror I’ve put up, and within it lies a hollow boy with little left to grin at, and nothing left to overcome.
Wallowing would be easier to do, if I weren’t too busy withering.
I: I sit a king on the mountain of dirt. My queen watches all and I drive the Lincoln Continental of our victory tour. It’s not to last. The pawns of the board are beginning to flare, and the knights have rallied a mutiny. They take their shot, and I’m left with less than a quarter of my previous squad. Stricken by defeat, the rooks fearfully swarm. They scramble to hide behind the king, forgetting the game and retaining nothing. They have no moves. No rules. No honor. The board turns white, and the last remnants of the black army hold tight to their corner. It’s not a friendly table, anymore.
II: The queen no longer values her kingdom. She removes her crown, and exits the game. The king desperately clings to the last of the pieces. The white army is no longer playing. The board has consumed them, and is now slowly sinking. The king sends pawns to return as queens, knowing it for the suicide mission it is. They return with the power, and none of the will. Their resentment of the king drives them away from his corner. The king attempts to alter the game; a last ditch effort to save what was left of the kingdom. The board just changes direction. The table stays the same.
III: You can change the game, and you can stop being black and white. You can’t remove the red you’ve earned, though. It’s permanently stuck to you, and will eventually be the last trace of you. Unlike black or white, you have to take red. It’s a color of passion, and worse. Red is proof you’ve made victims, and those who smell red come running. Red attracts hyenas, and those same hyenas who were once part of your pack eventually will devour you. I inform them all that I can lead us again. I tell them that I have the ability. I give them assurance, and feed their needs. I don’t supply their food, though. My fatal mistake came too late. When living amongst hyenas, only females can be their leader.
IV: This game is not chess. It’s a grapple with the others for carrion, and the king is now fighting to get across the board for scraps. We no longer see the board. We just see orders, demands, and requests. The game has long since become a bloodsport, and the last animals standing are wandering in circles. The king trips, and falls off the table. On his way down, he is met with visions of other games; these realms are filled with other pieces, cards, and boards that he had never imagined. He just wants to find a game where he fits; one that allows him to take off his crown, and find somewhere that his decisions, and the decisions of others can no longer harm him. He hits the floor.
V: As I regain my footing, I look back up at the table. Suspended miles above the ground, is the island of chaos. Black and white clash as the remaining bishops, pawns, and queens struggle for my crown. I pity them, and I begin the long walk away from the feet of the table. The towering appearance casts a long shadow, and the weight of the world above me begins to lift. It doesn’t lift far, though. The pieces peer over the side of the table, calling my name and urging me to return. Behind them stands a fiery glow. The table is burning, and the ashes are a snowfall on my head. I can’t save them. I can barely recognize them. My words fall on dying ears. The table splinters, and collapses on itself. I approach slowly, and as the dust settles I catch a glimpse of a shattered bottle, and the crushed contents of a cake. The labels hit me in the chest. Scrawled on the two notes are either instructions, or pleas of suicide I had dreamed of for years. They say:
Eat me, Drink me.
I was invited to
A beheading today.
I thought I was a butterfly
Next to your flame.
A rush of panic and
The lock has been raped.
This is only a game,
This is only a game…
When engaging with a conservative on a social media website, one expects to find what you would with any common debater:
- a series of easy-to-grasp talking points
- data to back up their assertions
- reliable sources of information, taken from independent parties
- a lack of logical fallacies
- ZERO shameless gimmicks that serve no purpose
Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. While, admittedly there are many wonderful examples of well-versed modern conservatives who have a true grasp on current events, and have a talent for balancing various different topics including politics, the majority of them lack any clear direction with their arguments, which usually forces them to become belligerent and resort to defensive techniques. Instead of putting in an effort to add a bit of substance to their party-obsessed aggression, they avoid the conflict from the start by outlining a disgustingly useless wall of text that denotes their political affiliations, as well as various other keywords that prove their ‘purity’ and show what they believe to be online credibility to any offenders of their cause.
While it can be argued that a few well-placed words in one’s short profile header can be useful in distinguishing an individual’s attributes and stances, the same can not be said for the plethora of semi-competent sheep who recycle the same catchphrases, one-liners, and titles for themselves as if promoting themselves as an effigy of some right-swaying hero.
That brings me to where I keep my evidence, for my claim. These people, while undoubtedly functional citizens, haven’t the slightest clue how crippling their ignorance is when it comes to debating. The wound they inflict upon themselves comes when they choose to provide a wide list of terms that all make them easy to categorize, as well as dissect before a single word from them is uttered. While this tactic makes them the simplest of targets to shred in verbal combat, they hilariously believe it serves as protection; a showcase of patriotism and godliness that gives them limitless integrity in the eyes of their peers.
To show how tragically common this is, I have taken the top fourteen out of a total of thirty-nine that I was able to find on Twitter in a matter of minutes. Note the ridiculous similarities:
Now that you’ve witnessed the absurdity, have any patterns emerged from this mess? The most obvious regurgitations are assuredly the abuse of the word “Constitution”, as well as the usage of the title “Constitutionalist”. This is primarily used as a form of pseudo-patriotism to give the impression that the person has rigorously studied the text of the United States’ Constitution, and that by placing this tag in their bio they believe it demands a higher level of respect. This is nonsense, of course. This shroud is only meant to conceal a lack of reading into the document itself, as none of them who place this phrase have taken the time to memorize such a notable work, or they would not throw its name about with such pomp and disdain.
Noting that words such as “freedom”, and “liberty” also make numerous appearances, it would be a joke to state that they also take these words seriously, considering that the majority of the users who paste these patriotic words in with their name ironically belong to a party that constantly seeks to limit the freedom and liberty of women, minorities, and a multitude of other interest groups. While I’ve covered this issue many times in the past, I would like to reiterate that the right is a wing dedicated to the constant abuse of religious principles, creating a moral shield that allows them to believe that their actions are justified, when in reality they may be truly unethical and discriminatory.
Lastly, and possibly most humorous is the prospect of party-affiliation they have chosen to shift to in this brave new age of voting we’ve entered into. If you’ll take a quick glance back at the list, you may discover that all of them seem to hail from some offshoot of “Constitutional Conservatism”, or “Libertarianism”. Amusingly, many of these have also somehow come to identify themselves as “independent”, which is already neutralized by the idea of swerving to the far right in the first place. Forgive that statement for sounding too forward, but it is not a stretch to imagine by some of the quotes above that these people are far into the red to the point of no return.
Now, the question that no one has asked yet stabs at the loyalty of these people, to their respected parties. For such right-leaning individuals to suddenly pull themselves gently towards the center by bestowing the title of “Libertarian” to themselves, they absolutely don’t seem that inclined to follow that structure. In actuality, it would seem that the Libertarian party that has recently gained a significant boost in popularity due to the mild success of Congressmen Ron Paul, and Governor Gary Johnson, has created a new “safe-zone” for Conservatives who wish to evade the negative light their archaic party has brought upon them as of late.
While you can see a myriad of different terms and names plastered above, denoting all kinds of wonderful and noble causes these people are dedicated to, not ONE of them chooses to be affiliated with the Republican party that more accurately suits their demographic. Curiously, even the most radical of these neo-conservatives chooses to place their flag at the feet of the TEA party, rather than be seen with the Republicans, undoubtedly because of the horrific reputation they’ve earned as of the past decade.
Why does this crowd feel that they must shield themselves behind a wall of pseudo-nationalistic, incessantly repeated, vaguely-distinguished flags? This is not the way for them to prove they can talk politics. This isn’t even the right way for them to choose their party affiliation. This is one more gimmick for the right-wing to hide behind, simply because they refuse to detach themselves from the misguided ethics that they cherish.
How long until they stop being “Constitutionalists”, and start paying attention to what’s actually in the Constitution?
Good day, children.
Today, I’ve come to discuss a topic that makes me want to continuously ram my head into my keyboard. The state I live in, Texas, has recently been the forefront of a vain, trendy, movement to secede from the United States. Of course, they don’t want to go about this in a hostile approach. The groups dedicated to this purpose explicitly reassure their cult, (because that’s what they’re synonymous with) that if it comes to pass, it should be a “peaceful” step away from the Union.
First off, it comes pre-advertised that this “movement” is nothing but an angst-filled, fear-induced tantrum by right-wing supporters who were more than a little distraught over their loss during the recent election. It should also come as no surprise, that their “liberation” messages they continue to recycle in an effort to garner attention are unfailingly the same tactics that successfully destroyed their chances of victory.
Regardless of how many times I am forced to endure the same melodramatic pleas from conservatives, it never ceases to amaze me how quick they are to perpetuate this catchphrase of, “we want our country back”! This, of course implies the notion that their country went anywhere, except into the 21st century, which ironically they haven’t caught up to yet. I stress quite often the incompatibility of the GOP with the present day United States, and thanks to the flurry of “constitutionally-enlightened patriots”, I can now add another brick in the wall of this counterpoint. You have to be one bold “patriot” to want liberty for a country so much, that your Plan B happens to be “scrape together a platform for secession”. For the party that invented the line, “America: love it or leave it” to opt out for the second choice, you have to wonder how much they actually do care.
For those of you out there who are scrounging together some star-spangled argument as to why these people “don’t belong to a party, and simply want to live their lives with the tenets set down by the founding fathers of America, who wanted justice for all, freedom of religion, and a society built on hard work”, please don’t start. I’ve already seen this argument be melted down, recycled, turned into a new argument in a different generation, and used in the same fashion. What country did you lose? What freedoms have been stripped from you? How is the president waging a war on religion, and why do you think that anyone who disagrees with you on this principle is some sort of left-wing, liberal media elitist who wants to walk into your house, burn your bibles, force you to recite the Communist Manifesto, and kill off any members of your family wearing red, white, or blue? Do I have to point out how ridiculous this makes you look in the eyes of our nation, let alone any country with citizens capable of free-thought? You’ve lost no freedoms, you’ve invented a black (I say the word you wish to use, but are far too ashamed to) boogeyman of a president, who worships a Marxist society, wishes to divulge riches to the poor in Robin Hood fashion, and who you believe “hates” the very country that he is responsible for.
If there is anyone who hates America, it is you.
The Republican Party; a strict believer that this is the “greatest nation on Earth”, but who is ironically content with ditching it the minute something just doesn’t go the way they planned it. All of these states who have filed petitions for secession; what greater disservice could you possibly do to the people you claim to care about? You hate hand-outs, yet necessary, beneficial programs that a vast number of your state’s citizens use come directly from the government. Do you not think, when you’re out from under the protective umbrella of the “gov’ment”, that your elderly, disabled, or even your veterans will be without a significant chunk of necessary financial aid? What are you going to tell them? “Sorry, grandma. No more handouts for you. It’s time to earn your fair share”? I can’t think of a more cruel, and senseless disregard for human existence, than to snuff out their main sources of financial stability; nor can I even fathom why one would begin to justify their actions with such a tactless argument as “I’d rather my family be destitute and isolated, than be a citizen of a country where I can’t stand to look at the president”. There is no “big picture”, in that equation. No grand scheme that I’m missing, or should be catching onto.
We live in a hybrid society, (much like the rest of the world, I might add) that is a hodgepodge of political sampling. America is a democratic republic, with touches of socialism, while every political figurehead pines away daily for a little more fascism. You may not agree with the president, his administration, or even his political party. You may not like the choices of the American public, and you may be relatively disappointed with the outcome of the election. However, for you to forsake the point of the democratic system merely because you can’t stand to lose some ground for a few years, that’s a bridge too far. You don’t care for the constitution unless it directly feeds into your irrelevant lifestyle, which is worse than not reading it at all. Despite how often the GOP talks about how much they love our veterans, you’d think they were 3rd class citizens judging from the amount of them who re-enter society and are all but forgotten for their service. Those “lazy bums” who feed off of healthcare, and disability? Many of them are veterans who served honorably, and are 5000% entitled to whatever care they can receive. For you to claim that these people are searching for a hand-out, is an insult to the American way of life. You think secession is going to make things better for them? Texas, unlike many less fortunate states, would potentially be better off in this scenario than others. That doesn’t make it a good, or ethical idea though. What these secession petitions are creating is absolute division.
You believe the president has divided the nation? Try beating the division of splitting fifty states, into numerous regions. One would surmise that we’d learn from our mistakes, but evidently that’s asking too much. We’ve tried this, and it was called the civil war. Regardless of how peaceful you believe your secession to be, you can’t begin to think beyond your own choices. Not all people will take such a split into perspective, and their reactions will be varied in terms of hostility, and resentment. If prosperity is what you want, why the fuck would anyone want to retrace the steps of the early 1860’s? Was there any more sobering lesson that we learned from the Civil War, than the fact that a nation torn in two is left to stagnate? Are there not enough examples in recent history of places split in half, that are things we call “war-torn” currently?
Don’t bother me with that relic of a point that “We’re already divided”. No, we aren’t. We’re socially disgruntled, currently. We’re only divided if you continue a grudge match by making political sabotage, vain social issues, and pre-modern era thinking your platform. You have no room to state where power should lie, when your views of the American public are clothed in outward belligerence. I’m talking to you, Peter Morrison, a Texas GOP official who referred to Obama supporters as “maggots”. What a patriot you are, Mr. Morrison.
I’m a citizen of Texas. Regardless of how often I joke about this state, I love it. The people I care for are here, and we have a proud history of honor and integrity in the face of hardship. I may not always agree with the president, nor will I always care for his policies. I may despise the majority of the GOP, and if Governor Romney had won election I quite possibly would’ve been disappointed. But I refuse to turn my back on the country that allows me to speak my mind, just because something didn’t go my way. This country has proven time, and time again that we’re the safeguard of liberty, and the protectors of the weak. We’ve also proven that when we reject unity, we’re more capable of producing casualties and catastrophe, than overcoming differences to rise from ruin.
To all of you who believe secession is the answer:
You are not going to bring about significant change for the better.
You are not presenting a positive approach to fixing this nation, by abandoning it.
You are fighting a war from within, wielding corrosive ideals, and rusted tools.
There is no victory in tearing stars from our flag.
You are the problem, and you should be ashamed.
To quote Dark Tranquillity:
No revolution in what they must overthrow
In on a secret we all know
The need that is our enemy
Congratulations, Mr. President on winning re-election! You should not only be proud of your supporters for their vast amounts of help, but be proud of the changes you’ve made during your career that have led to once again, another history-making win.
WITH THAT BEING SAID…
1) You have to stop this quiet, centrist bullshit. Either cast your absolute support for an alternative to the current list of finite fuel sources we have now, or shove hard so that we’re competing in fuel independence. Either way, you must come to terms with the inevitability of our loss of fossil fuels. Don’t look four years ahead. Look forty.
2) Do something about immigration, and be loud. We’re not asking for you to “promise” some results. We’re asking for a concrete plan, or adopt the DREAM act. We’re not giving you a choice anymore. We gave you a second chance to make yourself a legend. It’s time to prove you’re going to help minorities who want to live the dream.
3) That obscene defense budget: Fix it. Put it into paying off debt, and ensure that we’re still eight years technologically superior to the competition. As long as we’re right where we should be, (which we are, currently) no one can bitch.
4) Congress is a roadblock. You’re going to have to accept it, and go around them as often as possible. They are not going to help you out of spite, and this can only be titled as what it is:
POLITICAL SABOTAGE. It may seem like you’re dodging a necessary system, but unfortunately this is how you’ll accomplish the most. Accept this.
5) Close Guantanamo. Stop evading it. Find a spot to place these prisoners on our soil, regardless of who likes it. This place needs to go, and you promised. Don’t disappoint us again.
6) Set the strict boundary of the separation of church and state. People are forgetting it, and it needs to be a thick, red line.
7) Legalize marijuana, and tax the hell out of it. It may not be a significant dent in the debt, but it’s something. They want it? They should pay the price for it.
8) Reevaluate the NDAA. Regardless of when you’re going to “allow” it to go into effect, we don’t want it. It’s a step in the wrong direction.
9) Take a look backwards to create more jobs. FDR’s “New Deal” was ingenious, and it did everything for this country that it needed to. You need your own, and you should reinvest into the restructuring of our country through a similar program, as well as contributing to producing many goods domestically again. It couldn’t hurt to create a program dedicated to national parks, either.
10) You need to get the word out regarding abortion. Either it’s significantly more helpful than people first concluded, and will advance research decades ahead of other nations. Or, you don’t wish to go that route, and will be opposed to it. We’re confused on which side of 1970 you’re behind.
11) GIVE US BACK OUR FUCKING SPACE BUDGET. Do not fail us again.
With these steps, you can ensure that you’ll be fondly remembered as a great president. These points aren’t particularly well-articulated, nor are they the ONLY things you should do. Only you know what all you should focus on, and I guess we’ll have to leave you to it. However, you should know that people worked ridiculously hard to grant you a second chance at pleasing everyone you can. You don’t want to be remembered as the president who let half of the major issues slip right past you. If you do, we will not be so tolerant!
Good day, children.
Today, we’re going to have an important service announcement about the current condition of American politics, and their influence on the population of our nation.
Now, for those of you who have been watching television, listening to a radio, reading a newspaper, surfing the web, or even talking to your imaginary friends lately, you’re well aware that politics play a large role in our economy. I’m sure you’re also aware of the fact that they do a lot of good for all of us here who are just too darned stupid to make our own decisions. That’s right! If I had a nickel for all the times I’ve woken up and thought, “Gee, I wonder what kinds of good my elected officials are going to do today?” I reckon I’d be a rich man! Yes sir, it’s good to know that I live in a nation that is as star-spangled flippin’ amazing as this one, where political figures would never turn their immediate contacts and supporters into stormtroopers, designed to convert any and all people into drones who thoughtlessly wave a flag. I also am grateful for the fact that our elections are jovial celebrations of free-thought, where positive messages are spread from both sides of the aisle, and people can come together peacefully to share ideas and listen to new ideas from fresh voices in American politics. I can rest easy knowing my congressmen would never be swayed by the temptations of lobbyists who cater only to the avaricious gains of their own corporations and private investors, designed simply to circulate wealth through the same channels they’ve always belonged to! Lastly, I’d like to thank the heads of our two super political parties, who give us respectable candidates, who are honest and compassionate towards the public, and truly know what it is like to be one of the little guys.
If ANY of you just agreed with one of the statements in the paragraph above, congratulations! You’re a gullible tool of the system that is killing us all.
No, unfortunately we all seem to understand on a fundamental level that our political system has been long since raped by people who sought loopholes, as well learned that as long as no one has to see the damage you’re causing, then no damage exists and the system still works. This is more than likely a sad truth, because every single moment that another political attack ad comes up, a new “believer” rises. If you think you are aware of whom I speak, you’re in for disappointment. You see, I write for many different sites under multiple pseudonyms and aliases, and every time I attempt to straddle the line between this poorly shaded spectrum I receive a volley of rage and frustration from every person who has ever felt they are correct because they believe everything they say. Oddly enough, both sides of the arena agree that our nation is in trouble, and that it needs to be fixed. However, when they have to aim down their sight to obtain a target, the red bead of death seems to unfailingly land on the opposite side of the white line.
Republicans and Democrats; two parties who tend to differ on practically every single social and economic issue on the planet. Ironically enough, they also seem to find a strange solace in placing the blame for every atrocity and mishap on the planet in the lap of the opposing party. This aspect isn’t difficult to fathom. We’ve become so used to seeing this pattern emerge now, it’s more common than rival football teams meeting to square off in a vicious match of titanic proportions. The part that has me baffled, is how two ridiculously over-sized groups of people have managed to contort the most widely appreciated system of philosophical equality, into a pit of grunts with suits; struggling endlessly for control of chairs to a bi-annual pissing contest. Even more astounding, is the almost effortless fashion in which these masters of the craft have managed to twist the nation into a chessboard of red and blue pawns, forced to consider every topic from a group-think mindset of “we”; abandoning even the slightest view of an individual. Subjects, where excessive contemplation no longer exist. Even the most remote hints of self-expression being burned instantly by a flurry of backlash from people who seconds earlier were patting you on the back as a prize for nodding your head in concurrence. There is no such democracy that endures here. There are two autocratic machines whose entire basis for “debate” is a ploy created to give the impression that our key political figureheads actually are capable of compromising for the good of the people.
This is why it amuses me every time I voice an opinion somewhere that one wall of political hate doesn’t agree with, they consistently accuse me of being a member of the opposing faction. A slur of stereotypical traits and ideals follow in a condescending manner, all of which are made to seem as if they “saw this coming” the second I popped up. Unfortunately, 99% of the time they are dismayed to learn that they aren’t my beliefs, and that I loathe both major parties with a furious passion, as they’re equally prime examples of why the rest of the world finds our country to be prime comedic material. It never occurs to a member of these two groups that perhaps there is a such a concept as an alternative, and that to disagree with their own party is not only incredibly “American”, it’s the most symbolic idea that America has trademarked. How tragic, that it seems to be the most easily disregarded idea by the people.
I can’t grasp why die-hard members of the two parties stick around to be puppets to the same unflinching “causes”. I also believe they fail to understand how easy it is to turn them into the bland, tasteless cartoon characters they embody. These red and blue shadows, so dull and lifeless, fulfill only one purpose: to parrot the actions of their party, by repeating the same one-liners and arguments in a recycled manner to perpetuate the flow of disinformation to others in the vain hopes of converting another soul to their cause. There is no room for any outside opinion, nor would they bother to listen to it. You’re nothing but some radical if your answer can’t be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced. This is what frustrates them about arguing incessantly with me. Their option to flee comes quickly with anyone who doesn’t become defensive from being labeled as one of their already known opponents. Suddenly you’re not garbage, you’re just an “extra” without people to back you up. Devoid of an already pre-existing macro response, their options are limited and they will have no time to formulate their own answer to your inquiry. It is the Achilles’ heel of these two leviathans, and they’ve yet to come up with counter-measures to stop free-thinking warriors.
They should know what they look like. I will tell you what they look like, and it is your job to either laugh at the accuracy or disagree with me if you feel I’ve misjudged these people. Regardless, you’ll be exercising your right to differ with someone who has already embraced the fact that debates are one on one exchanges, not group therapy with opposition.
Conservatives: You’re a poorly-educated party of devoutly religious zealots, most of whom pine away for a decade in which almost all minorities, as well as females possessed no rights. The ideas you stand for are designed to empower geriatric Caucasian males who have dreamed of controlling all socioeconomic trends for half a century, but ironically these trends all belong somewhere around the time of the bronze age. You continue to view minorities (even those born here) as lesser beings, and most of your messages regarding support for troops involves sending more overseas to lose their lives. Your party should’ve been dissolved a long time ago, as there is no place for you in the 21st century.
Liberals: You’re an overly-educated congregation of number crunchers who never seem to see outside your idiotically tiny window of safety. Your voices are soft and you carry no stick, because you’re all afraid to fight and afraid to be caught near the fight. You believe you have good ideals, but really they are just idealistic jargon that you’d like to get passed but want to make sure no one gets injured in the process. You’re worried about what everyone is doing, and how they’ll think of you if you disagree with them. You would rather find someone else who is loud to get your views out, that way you’re not required to wield any responsibility or be held accountable for any change that takes place, just in case the public opinion poll reflects negatively. You’re all moderates without a spine. Your party is a joke.
Lastly, the entire mass of you red and blue disgraces don’t actually believe in anything that you follow. You jumped to another idea because it fell in suit with the first one. For the relative ease of compliance, there could be no alternative in your eyes. Why bother trying to formulate your own opinions when they’re already neatly scrawled down on the cue-card for you to read aloud to your kids? After all, they are the future. Wouldn’t want them to stray from the path and end up like me, would you?
We are all just stars and we’re waiting
We are all just scarred and we’re hating
We are all just stars on your burning flag
All was silent.
But in a flash of unscripted, awe-inspiring inevitability, the supernova shook the far corners of my color-spattered night sky and the stars came raining down over our heads. This impressive display of cosmic death occurring took place in a field, with a radiant wave of star-light illuminating the emerald hue of the grass around our forms. As the fireworks show from light-years out formed its flower above our heads, and the field of life upon which we rested swayed in the twilight-caressed breeze, chestnut eyes met with dual turquoise pools, glowing as brightly as the anomaly unfolding around us. In that momentary lapse of purity, it was unknown to either of us whether the miracle at hand was the sight we beheld, or the one laying next to us in the last field on earth. At that moment though, it didn’t matter. What did, was the gentle swaying as the strings of light from the night sky rocked our terraformed hammock side to side for eternity.
My visions upon awakening never stray too far from “immaculately retained”. Luckily for me, this one outlasted the nightmares and novel pleasures alike. This dream was brought on for the first time not by an aspiration, but by reality itself. That’s right children. Finally, the dawn has come for me in this epoch of modern glory. As I realize the treatment I have brought upon myself unwillingly is now unconsciously bringing me to a better place, I’ve now reassured myself that I have done the right thing. It’s not a matter anymore of how much I want to wallow in apathy over it. It’s not stopping me anymore, and too long has it been since I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself without the state of mind of being trapped within a bubble of secluded caution. I can now step out of the metaphorical cave created by the great Plato, or perhaps it is that the cave was created by myself, and he just helped me to realize that? For whatever reason that may be, I’ve now entered into the realm of “good” and will now begin to build once more upon something that I believe is 100% worth it.
No one believes me either. Maybe it’s for the simple fact that I’ve spent so much time ushering a cynical viewpoint to the frontlines that people have forgotten that I know how to use optimism, or perhaps it’s the endless cycle of disappointments that I’ve warned people of; so much so that when I actually show them with a genuine form of sincerity something to be overjoyed by, they mistake it for satire on my part and laugh it off.
This isn’t a joke though. By no means is this a means of me executing long-form sarcasm to show my contempt for something. This isn’t an exercise of my constant ranting, in an attempt to bring light to a subject that most people don’t consider. It’s not a grasping at straws type of desperate plea for some form of human interaction, or emotional attachment. I’m not leading you on in this post just to tell you at the end “abandon all hope, you aimlessly over-optimistic tool”!
No, for once I’m going to stick to the simplistic approach of informing you that I found something worth looking forward to everyday. Not just for the trivial, explicit means that most people consider relevant either. Those are fine and dandy, but once you’ve had enough of it you realize that it either 1) all tastes the same, or 2) feels not unlike the rest. Pointless is swiftly followed by monotonous, and after a while you’d kill yourself just to have something different. It’s the song stinkfist all over again, but this time you take it seriously because it’s happening to you. The same cheap smile; the intolerable awkward few minutes of ridiculous silence immediately following your shameful attempt to feel something other than utter disregard of moral action.
Now you understand what polar opposite it is I speak of, I’m sure. We’re speaking of the same now. You get it, don’t you? It’s the cruel joke you have to double take on to realize someone set you up. It’s the money on the ground; placed so eerily precise that you are forced to scan your entire environment to ensure that you’re not the pawn in some dramatic scheme to play at your avarice. It’s the perfect wardrobe, with all necessary details designed to your specifications. It’s the book, or movie that leaves you in tears because of how frightfully accurate the plot was to a situation that might just as easily happen to you. I’m talking about the person, who knows all too much. The individual who grasps exactly what you’re talking about, to the degree that you almost don’t require the conversation, but relive it anyways so you can know what it looks like for someone to make you happy when they retort with why they agree with you.
It’s the phone call from an old friend; the chance to crawl in bed after a long day of exhaustive futility. It’s the comforting set of warm hands on your shoulder as you make a difficult decision, empowering you to do what is necessary. It’s the feeling of drowning, and the hand extending downward through waves of punishment to embrace you and pull you back to the surface once more. It is the light in the darkness, and the sunrise after a merciless night. It’s the mystery of not knowing, and the certainty of reassuring yourself that it’s worth it. You know now, don’t you?
Maybe it’s that one bit of happiness that you had at a single moment. It was that one, fleeting expression of belonging. It was what years, perhaps even decades of decaying friendships, decaying relationships, and blissfully ignorant relatives never bestowed upon you. It was that moment you first held hands with someone who you adored, and bashfully tried not to sweat into their palm as you quaked in your shoes. It was that moment you realized, that this entire post is about the person you either care for the most, or are perpetually searching for.
Without sounding like a hopelessly smitten child on the verge of tearing down the wall of fortitude that has been constructed through years of bad attitude; For the first time in years, I can say I’m actually more than content currently. It brings me joy to consider possibilities now, and with her help…maybe those possibilities can become our reality.
The song rings true once more, as it did on Valentine’s Day of this year. For those of you who have read this, a song by Dark Tranquillity comes to mind called “Iridium”. The song is of course up for open interpretation, but for me it has come to be known as my anthem of finding belonging. For what it is worth now, I believe I’ve finally found Iridium; however she hasn’t travelled millions of light-years away in a bright fireball of cosmic transcendence. She was sitting right next to me in a dream, watching it all happen with eyes as bright as the stars I compare them to.
Let the horizon lead
On through the ether of the night
Dragged across the burning heavens
Flying homeward like a burdened soul
Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
Now is the time to leave
We lie awake, we stand afire
At the edge of the world
Above, mirror of light
Below, the mantle of the stars
And strangely they fall
Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
An end beyond compare
Today marks the second year in a row I’ve been left behind by someone I generally regarded as important on THIS fucking day.
I’m starting to see a relatively unsettling pattern setting in. Of what I can only consider as myself lost in this apathetic storm of pitiful aimlessness, I’m attempting to hold it together. The only question relevant though remains; how do you face down those whom you try to reassure, and lie to them by informing them that things are going to be okay. It’s the worst, most shameless display of dishonesty one can bequeath to another. What’s left, is a festering mess of horrific “what ifs”, “maybes”, and warm feelings that something somehow or another was remedied by the slight fluctuation of energy from negative to positive.
I’ve now taken down a readily available collection of logic from those of whom around me believe it a necessary action to shield themselves from any and all shades of gray. As it would seem; there is not enough of a supply of apathy in this image driven, avariciously fueled cestpool. This is why, they’ve deemed it appropriate to use every excuse in the book as to why it’s perfectly fine to quit, and give up. Why it’s important to give advice, and never take it. Why it’s fine and dandy to presume the role of the mentor, but when asked to show for their efforts, they shy away so fucking swiftly you’d think they weren’t there to begin with.
I’m going to publish the collection of shut-outs, passion plays, futile pseudo-shame, and pathetic copouts in an anthology called “Sorry”, because it seems to be the last word you get out of anyone in that situation. It doesn’t mean a thing, nor should you bother yourself to think that it does. Sorry is the word most commonly used by people who wish to convince you that they actually gave a fuck in the first place. They, as well as the well-oiled machine that is propelling them always strive to ensure that you know how “sorry” they were to begin with. Sorry means everything is better, and when everything is better you can go back to forgetting exactly how well everyone treats everyone else around them.
As it appears, I care too much. Of course, I tell every single person around me I don’t. You evidently have to, because it’s an unwritten rule that people who care are the first to be picked off. I didn’t crawl out of middle and high school, just to come out morally superior. Those days are long since gone, and I’ve tried my damnedest since then to make a worse person out of myself that way I can finally get what I’ve always desired, which is to slowly devour the tears of those around me who can only metaphorically represent those who did the same to me so long ago. This process is a vain, tireless exercise that never ends because by the time you’re done watching out for all of those bad people, the good people have already gone and turned you into Julius Caesar. They stare, and try to feel some sort of emotion that could be described as empathy, but they’ve never come close to it. Empathy is reserved for people who have ACTUALLY been where you are now, and are now visualizing the recurrence within themselves.
So, what have you got now? Let’s see. You have a short list of disappearance acts, shrugged shoulders, cowardly shadows, and the world’s longest list of excuses swiftly followed by “I’m sorry…but”. I have all but absolutely lost my zeal for that which I love. A flag once waved by multitudes who understood, has been carelessly thrown to the dirt without a second glance. It can’t be construed any other way. There’s not a viewpoint behind this shit anymore. There’s not a “well you don’t understand” situation left. I can’t even begin to think that I’m STILL over-analyzing and exaggerating as to the details of how little those around me actually pretend to care anymore. I can’t even receive a confirmation of action from people at all now. It’s nothing but ideas that are whispers lost on the wind, and ambitions crushed beneath waves of forceful disregard. No one has informed me of what they WILL do in ages, only what they’d like to do. With such blatant neglect, and with an all but blind-eye to their task, I don’t even bother counting on people who say that anymore. They wait for me to act, or for others to step forward. It’s not a good move, nor is it admirable or a sign of reliability. That’s a sign of weakness, and every moment that people tell me what they want is another moment of tribulation as I scream inside my own head.
What’s worse, is that now I see that the most endangered species on the planet isn’t a sea creature being rapidly poached; it’s not a bird being slowly eradicated due to deforestation. It’s not a rare predator, that has been viciously hunted for its scarce and precious hide. No, the creature most in danger of disappearing from the face of the Earth forever, is the leader. Whether it be the fear of failure, or the perpetual need to constantly maintain a sense of insanity in the face of all opposition; the leader population anywhere is swiftly approaching zero. Look around you. Name the last time you had someone you could honestly look up to and know that they are taking charge while others retreat. My group of friends used to BE those people. We weren’t just a circle of those not wanted by others. It was the joy of knowing no one else would be stepping up to do what we do. We would more than excitedly stretch our long arms out, and embrace the children who appeared at our doorstep. It wasn’t about figures, statistical evaluation and the sake of trying to be something that was the husk of an entity.
We never sat idly by and wondered what we could get if we tried. We made that happen time, and time again. People were envious at how close we were; the idea of how driven we were to accomplish any and all goals was an inspirational mind-fuck to our generation. We lived by our code, and understood it perfectly. Without faltering, I ushered forward every step of the way, certain that we were heading for rough waters but it was alright, because I had the best crew any captain could ever desire.
All apathy aside, my group now faces the outmost crossroads. They must either wither and come to accept this, or stand and become the final resistance. There’s no more simple way out. It won’t be easy, or enjoyable. Will we be able to cross the uncertain waters of ruin? Will our name become an echo in the museum of leaders?
Great peril awaits us, beyond the black river;
sounded by the beating of drums.
Our number is few
Our errand is dire.
We do what must be done.