Good day, children.
Today, we’re going to have an important service announcement about the current condition of American politics, and their influence on the population of our nation.
Now, for those of you who have been watching television, listening to a radio, reading a newspaper, surfing the web, or even talking to your imaginary friends lately, you’re well aware that politics play a large role in our economy. I’m sure you’re also aware of the fact that they do a lot of good for all of us here who are just too darned stupid to make our own decisions. That’s right! If I had a nickel for all the times I’ve woken up and thought, “Gee, I wonder what kinds of good my elected officials are going to do today?” I reckon I’d be a rich man! Yes sir, it’s good to know that I live in a nation that is as star-spangled flippin’ amazing as this one, where political figures would never turn their immediate contacts and supporters into stormtroopers, designed to convert any and all people into drones who thoughtlessly wave a flag. I also am grateful for the fact that our elections are jovial celebrations of free-thought, where positive messages are spread from both sides of the aisle, and people can come together peacefully to share ideas and listen to new ideas from fresh voices in American politics. I can rest easy knowing my congressmen would never be swayed by the temptations of lobbyists who cater only to the avaricious gains of their own corporations and private investors, designed simply to circulate wealth through the same channels they’ve always belonged to! Lastly, I’d like to thank the heads of our two super political parties, who give us respectable candidates, who are honest and compassionate towards the public, and truly know what it is like to be one of the little guys.
If ANY of you just agreed with one of the statements in the paragraph above, congratulations! You’re a gullible tool of the system that is killing us all.
No, unfortunately we all seem to understand on a fundamental level that our political system has been long since raped by people who sought loopholes, as well learned that as long as no one has to see the damage you’re causing, then no damage exists and the system still works. This is more than likely a sad truth, because every single moment that another political attack ad comes up, a new “believer” rises. If you think you are aware of whom I speak, you’re in for disappointment. You see, I write for many different sites under multiple pseudonyms and aliases, and every time I attempt to straddle the line between this poorly shaded spectrum I receive a volley of rage and frustration from every person who has ever felt they are correct because they believe everything they say. Oddly enough, both sides of the arena agree that our nation is in trouble, and that it needs to be fixed. However, when they have to aim down their sight to obtain a target, the red bead of death seems to unfailingly land on the opposite side of the white line.
Republicans and Democrats; two parties who tend to differ on practically every single social and economic issue on the planet. Ironically enough, they also seem to find a strange solace in placing the blame for every atrocity and mishap on the planet in the lap of the opposing party. This aspect isn’t difficult to fathom. We’ve become so used to seeing this pattern emerge now, it’s more common than rival football teams meeting to square off in a vicious match of titanic proportions. The part that has me baffled, is how two ridiculously over-sized groups of people have managed to contort the most widely appreciated system of philosophical equality, into a pit of grunts with suits; struggling endlessly for control of chairs to a bi-annual pissing contest. Even more astounding, is the almost effortless fashion in which these masters of the craft have managed to twist the nation into a chessboard of red and blue pawns, forced to consider every topic from a group-think mindset of “we”; abandoning even the slightest view of an individual. Subjects, where excessive contemplation no longer exist. Even the most remote hints of self-expression being burned instantly by a flurry of backlash from people who seconds earlier were patting you on the back as a prize for nodding your head in concurrence. There is no such democracy that endures here. There are two autocratic machines whose entire basis for “debate” is a ploy created to give the impression that our key political figureheads actually are capable of compromising for the good of the people.
This is why it amuses me every time I voice an opinion somewhere that one wall of political hate doesn’t agree with, they consistently accuse me of being a member of the opposing faction. A slur of stereotypical traits and ideals follow in a condescending manner, all of which are made to seem as if they “saw this coming” the second I popped up. Unfortunately, 99% of the time they are dismayed to learn that they aren’t my beliefs, and that I loathe both major parties with a furious passion, as they’re equally prime examples of why the rest of the world finds our country to be prime comedic material. It never occurs to a member of these two groups that perhaps there is a such a concept as an alternative, and that to disagree with their own party is not only incredibly “American”, it’s the most symbolic idea that America has trademarked. How tragic, that it seems to be the most easily disregarded idea by the people.
I can’t grasp why die-hard members of the two parties stick around to be puppets to the same unflinching “causes”. I also believe they fail to understand how easy it is to turn them into the bland, tasteless cartoon characters they embody. These red and blue shadows, so dull and lifeless, fulfill only one purpose: to parrot the actions of their party, by repeating the same one-liners and arguments in a recycled manner to perpetuate the flow of disinformation to others in the vain hopes of converting another soul to their cause. There is no room for any outside opinion, nor would they bother to listen to it. You’re nothing but some radical if your answer can’t be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced. This is what frustrates them about arguing incessantly with me. Their option to flee comes quickly with anyone who doesn’t become defensive from being labeled as one of their already known opponents. Suddenly you’re not garbage, you’re just an “extra” without people to back you up. Devoid of an already pre-existing macro response, their options are limited and they will have no time to formulate their own answer to your inquiry. It is the Achilles’ heel of these two leviathans, and they’ve yet to come up with counter-measures to stop free-thinking warriors.
They should know what they look like. I will tell you what they look like, and it is your job to either laugh at the accuracy or disagree with me if you feel I’ve misjudged these people. Regardless, you’ll be exercising your right to differ with someone who has already embraced the fact that debates are one on one exchanges, not group therapy with opposition.
Conservatives: You’re a poorly-educated party of devoutly religious zealots, most of whom pine away for a decade in which almost all minorities, as well as females possessed no rights. The ideas you stand for are designed to empower geriatric Caucasian males who have dreamed of controlling all socioeconomic trends for half a century, but ironically these trends all belong somewhere around the time of the bronze age. You continue to view minorities (even those born here) as lesser beings, and most of your messages regarding support for troops involves sending more overseas to lose their lives. Your party should’ve been dissolved a long time ago, as there is no place for you in the 21st century.
Liberals: You’re an overly-educated congregation of number crunchers who never seem to see outside your idiotically tiny window of safety. Your voices are soft and you carry no stick, because you’re all afraid to fight and afraid to be caught near the fight. You believe you have good ideals, but really they are just idealistic jargon that you’d like to get passed but want to make sure no one gets injured in the process. You’re worried about what everyone is doing, and how they’ll think of you if you disagree with them. You would rather find someone else who is loud to get your views out, that way you’re not required to wield any responsibility or be held accountable for any change that takes place, just in case the public opinion poll reflects negatively. You’re all moderates without a spine. Your party is a joke.
Lastly, the entire mass of you red and blue disgraces don’t actually believe in anything that you follow. You jumped to another idea because it fell in suit with the first one. For the relative ease of compliance, there could be no alternative in your eyes. Why bother trying to formulate your own opinions when they’re already neatly scrawled down on the cue-card for you to read aloud to your kids? After all, they are the future. Wouldn’t want them to stray from the path and end up like me, would you?
We are all just stars and we’re waiting
We are all just scarred and we’re hating
We are all just stars on your burning flag