What does it take (to be a man)
If there is anything that I don’t have a finite supply of currently, it’s the list of expectations that I have. Over the course of roughly five years, I’ve turned from maturing adult into gigantic disappoint to my parental figures. Undoubtedly, this sounds like the rant of an angst-ridden adolescent, pining away for a chance at rebellion and exonerating myself from any and all obligations I might have as a contributing member of society. Oh, there’s nothing further from the truth.
I’ve been out of work for a relatively long time. I won’t bother to defend myself, as I left on my own terms. I became tired of dealing with my self-righteous manager and practically forced myself out the door; happily walking away from a job that caused me severe depression consecutive days out of the week, but made me reconsider if there truly is a such thing as being happy in life when all you’re forced to deal with are miserable people who treat you as if you’re garbage out of what almost seems to be a necessity to their daily grind. I don’t believe I even regret my actions. I worked hard at that horrible job, and tolerated every bit of punishment by people who were willing to tread on someone who wasn’t willing to fight back. I did this dishonestly, in retrospect. I believed somehow that the role of the kiss-ass served me better than in my first stretch of employment where I was over-enthusiastic towards most everything. Being nice in a job, and being empathetic towards everyone are two different things; two that I’m now aware are equally as crippling to your personal image as any negative characteristics.
However, I couldn’t have chosen a worse time to lose my job. The recession hit its disgusting chasm in the summer of my termination. With unemployment rising swiftly, the window of opportunity to grab a job on the rebound shut quickly, and I was trapped in the current purgatory of endless applications and inevitable silence. Looking at every link online, and at every paper offline, the amount of headlines reading “Why has no one contacted me” piled up as I tried every single hot-tip and useful pointer imaginable to try and get my foot in the door. It mattered little, as everything that receive any attention at all was met by courteous disinterest. It seems as if I find myself in a minority of the chronically disregarded.
This issue however, is met more often than not with skepticism by my parents who mistake my lack of interested employers for a sign that I’m making no effort to seek work. Undoubtedly, there are many of you out there who have encountered this same reaction from others you might know as well. It’s a frustrating, and awkward position to be in, and to hear the commonly phrased argument that “Oh, it’s not that hard”, is the most insulting quote ever to my intelligence. Even with years of experience in retail, I’ve yet to be picked up by even some of the largest franchises in the nation, and to know that I’m missing out on a job that ditzy, bimbo-t’weens get yanked out of thin air for, is not only irritating, but disheartening. This is why, the more I hear these motivational speeches from my parents about how I’m not trying hard enough, it makes me question whether or not they still have a frame of reference that is functional, or if they’re doing it simply because they feel they have to.
The same information being submitted on the exact same lines dozens of times, including pedigree info regarding my work experience, as well as countless lists of “professional” references that have assured me of their confidence of a positive review if called. There is only so much I can control on my end. Even with follow-up calls, which I am forced to hear as so-called helpful advice every single time a new story pops up on ABC news about how to “get work in this economy”. What I don’t believe people realize is that watching the news and paying attention to spots that divulge “tricks of the trade” are watched by the same millions of people across the country who watch it every day, and by the time that story is released that helpful advice becomes practically irrelevant. The people who were desperately seeking work before use these tips along with the same morons who actually ARE barely trying, and they’re once again forced into the same lump of job searchers who hand off their applications and résumés to managers who are “taking applications”, which is the same as saying “Here! You throw this away”. It also doesn’t help that whenever a study is placed regarding the best ways to acquire jobs, they commonly are in the field of corporate work, and are attempting to communicate to people who are working hard to throw on the suit and force their way into a position where the salary is going to keep them as well as multiple other people afloat. The media isn’t going to waste a minute trying to help people looking to find entry-level positions at companies because that’s off their charts for “the big picture”.
The reason this became a topic is not because of fact that it is severely interesting. No, in all honesty this isn’t interesting at all. Now, one could definitely call it tragic, and I’d be inclined to agree. Even “pathetically scarce” would be a good term to describe the current wasteland of job searching. The reason this topic exists currently, is because of the sad petty way that every time I decide to open mouth, my situation becomes a form of ammunition against me. Suddenly, a personal attack becomes the easiest way for the “adults” to try to pry their way in, because suddenly I stop being a young adult, and start becoming a parasite. Someone who is purely leaching currency and precious resources away from the hive, and I must be badgered by this incessantly. Unfailingly, I have to listen to the same mindless guilt-trip that I have somehow done nothing but cause grief for everyone around me, and that I’m a burden for a poor soul to bear. I’m tired of hearing this, and for anyone who has my read my blog in the past, they would know I throw great passion into my writing, as well as any work that requires my skills to be put to use. I am sick of being patronized by authority figures who figure condescension is the easiest way to make themselves feel as if they somehow are more of a human because of what insignificant change they contribute to society. I’m fucking tired of being bullied by people who are supposedly there to support you even when things seem the most disparaging.
Just because I haven’t given up on my dreams and goals, doesn’t mean I’ve given up on being realistic in my search for work. I am trying. You just refuse to see it.