You never think you have the will to hand off the scepter, but somehow after seven years it seems like the weight of it has finally brought down the arm holding it.
I’ve been the leader of The Sic gaming community since its inception, and regardless of how much torment I’ve been put through, a few lessons have made their way through the miasma of conflict. I’ve come to realize there are the same lines keeping people apart online as there are in a real-world social setting. They’re just titled different, and carry a different emphasis based on the realm you frequent. There are rules, that when broken shock people into disbelief. These people are so fragile already, then when they are met by a rule-breaker they instantly presume the person to be of the worst moral standard, and disregard any and all thoughts and musings from that person from that moment onward. The shroud of anonymity plays an integral part of any person’s online life, and they will use it to their advantage to let loose a tirade of online credentials that they can neither substantiate nor support, to prove the most trivial of points. There are those online whose only job is to create a sense of apathy about them, and wallow in self-pity while collecting the favor and trust of relatively compassionate people. These people play the martyr at every chance possible, and will use it to manipulate the will of those who have already handed over their trust, using a vicegrip on their moral inclinations. There are those who attach themselves to a certain individual or unit, with the full intention of becoming a parasite to their host’s ambitions. These people excel at riding their way to the top, and because of this are fated to be as human as any backpack. There are those who maintain a constant air of overconfidence; this foul superiority complex driving them to belittle and condescend to all those who they don’t recognize as peers. Then there are those who make it a goal to never appear. Their entire persona is based on living in the limelight of those around them, and observing from the shadows in silence. The harsh lesson which has brought me here today though, is that of loyalty. I’ve learned that no matter how many times someone reassures you of their undying dedication to a group or you as a person, their resolve is more often than not a disgusting facade for the hope of temporary association and cooperation.
It is that very notion that has brought me here today. I opened this gaming community upon my entrance into high school, out of what I presumed was a sense of revenge against those who felt better than others. I created a safe haven for those who were trampled on repeatedly, and with it a new responsibility to ensure that the hardships they endured in their lives would never follow them into their hobby of gaming. This home for the meek was an inspirational source of teamwork and ambitious ingenuity that conquered seemingly every challenge that was placed before us. We watched with grins as those who had originally denied us our desires were swept violently to the side. They became nothing more than speed bumps, and as we rolled over them in waves of relentless hostility, we forced our way through the crumbling walls placed by those before us.
Although I viewed it as a long-lasting endeavor for myself, I never truly viewed the scene of chaos I had created in a panoramic sense. I had tunnel vision, and year after year I saw it as something I had to continuously shove forward myself. I preached ideas of self-sufficiency, and handed my crew the tools they required to trudge forward to victory. However, the next day I was right back on the battlefield, abandoning all prior plans for a chance at being there for the next round of trench warfare. When I did step away, it always seemed as if things never were quite taken care of in my absence. I always returned to a showcase of negligence; a sobering sight that made me believe that not only were the people running the show truly unprepared to take the wheel, but that I had somehow failed them and not given them enough resources or guidance necessary to keep the ship afloat in icy waters.
It was for this reason, that I tethered myself to the wheel and kept a steady eye ahead. It wasn’t enough however, as the more I shoved the admin crew to take charge, the more they came to resent me. I realized with bleak clarity that not only had I entrusted the future of the group to the wrong people, but I had done it out of a sappy, ridiculous sense of idealistic aspiration for them to all want to achieve as much as I did. These people experienced less than lackluster emotions towards fueling our cause, and were more concerned about self-serving goals than actually promoting progression in our clan as a whole. These people, when chastised for their lack of concern for our group became disloyal, and in time lashed out with the only thing they were skilled at doing. They mutinied, and because of their manipulative prowess took multiple people with them. These people, out of their contempt for me siphoned anyone who they could coax, or coerce to their team. There was no righteous cause, or just reason. Their motives relied strictly on the basis of wishing to not be held responsible for any action anymore, and their hope of placing the blame solely on me succeeded, as they held their passion play weekly to produce a sphere of hatred aimed at the person who just wanted them to act as if they gave a fuck. In the end, their ability to deceive, inveigle, and obfuscate allowed them to escape whatever prison they felt they were in, and suck the life out of a group that they were completely ungrateful to. I hold these people completely responsible for our group’s current condition, as they couldn’t get over themselves long enough to realize they were the problem they were all looking for.
My remaining team turned into a husk of what it had formerly been. The few left standing, shared with me handshakes and whispers of promises which I can’t blame them for doing. The thoughts of a fruitful future kept me clawing onwards, believing in idiotic hopefulness that one day they would return; that perhaps I wasn’t being dragged to the guillotine alone while the crowd before me stood peppered with familiar faces looking at me with solemn expression. With no one stepping up, and no one wanting to wear the mantle of leadership, I was left to make every decision, and give guidance to every single new person who stepped through our doors. There are only so many explanations you can give someone for why they don’t see anyone, and why no one is ever available to do anything besides a couple of people. People in my group now don’t want power. They want influence without earning it, and executive power without responsibility. The grind that all good leaders must take upon themselves falls upon deaf ears when all they see are money, multitudes of resources, and strength in numbers. I can’t muster troops to fight anymore, and those who do show up know that they were the only ones listening, while everyone else turned away in deliberate evasion.
This is why I regret to inform you all that I resign my position as Shogun of The Sic gaming community, effective immediately. I don’t know how many people will respond, or even take a second glance over this, however I’d like to make it clear that this was not an easy decision. I tried endlessly to make it work, and to promote ideas for constant change and progression to ensure our group’s longevity, however it seems that I’m a relic of an age of honor and discipline that is lost to this current time, in which people just don’t care how strong your will to take initiative is. Over the past year and a half, I’ve slaved through an incessant string of flakes and no-shows, many of which gave me profound promises of loyalty and respect, all cast away the instant the pressure became too much for them. I held onto a string of hope that perhaps one day I’d see the dawn of return for these people who once extended me the hand of trust, but it is now sunset and I can no longer see that hope anymore.
In short: I’m tired of being bailed on.
I’ve had thousands of members pass through my archways. I’ve fought at the sides of hundreds of amazing individuals. I’ve witnessed the maturation and growth of dozens of competent, and enjoyable young men and women who have turned out to be the paramount of our generation. I led a gaming community that broke more social barriers, and tread on more taboos to the current realm than thought imaginable. My legacy will be that of upsetting people who felt any subject was black and white when presented to another, and making an enemy into a friend by reason and cooperation. Marilyn Manson was the shock rocker. Howard Stern, the shock jock. The Sic will go down in gaming history as the “shock flock”, who managed to return humility to a land completely submerged in conceit and arrogance.
I’ll be around. I’m too involved already to completely phase out into the crowd, and my loyalty will always be to the people of this group. I only hope that if you are a new member, wanting to “be the best” and show others that you’re not one to be taken lightly, that you’ll consider my teachings and make your own decision based on them as the words of experience that they are. Being a gaming community leader has no prestige. There are no awards for doing it right, and there’s little applause for the guy behind the wheel steering the ship out of the path of imminent danger. You live on a sliding scale of public opinion, whether it’s a well-informed opinion or not, and because of that there may be times where support seems distant. No one can truly know the burden though, until it’s placed on them, and they have no other choice but to face their problems head-on.
I may never appear again as the same person that people recognize me as now. I may not have the same persona of hostility that people have come to appreciate from me currently. I may not ever sit on the throne of another group, pushing them to become more than just gamers. However, you can always expect that where there is a fork in the road ahead, I’ll be the guy walking straight in between them, causing mass confusion and having everyone wonder around me how I could be so bold as to make my own choice on direction.
~Shogun of The Sic gaming community,