Drowning in Slow Motion
Welcome to a new year, children.
I’m glad to say I’ll be returning to a regular schedule hopefully, as my last month of 2011 was neither enjoyable, or worth tolerating half of the shit that was forced down my throat by random acquaintances and so-called “family”. I’d like to take this time to state that while 2011 might have been fun and wonderful for some people, it fucking blew. Allow me to recap on a few things that I’ve learned this past year, or re-learned and placed heavier emphasis on bringing attention to:
1) We’re not dying from the apocalypse in 2012. If you believe we are, then you won’t mind giving up all your worldly possessions and assets to me. You won’t need them in whatever bullshit cliché of “paradise” you’re going to. Stop telling people they’re dying too. You’re not helping; quite the contrary, actually. You’re spreading fear. I know that every generation of the human race is somehow inclined to feel as if “their time” on the planet is somehow special. It’s not. We’d all like it to be, but unfortunately at some point you’re going to have to grow up and realize that we’re not. Jesus isn’t coming back to meet you. There’s no age of enlightenment ahead of you. There is no planet X, and it’s not coming to smash into us. Get the fuck over it, and get a grip.
2) People who are hyper-sensitive don’t belong on the internet. There is too much comfort placed in the warm arms of anonymity for little “ten year old Timmy” and his whiny friends to be online playing games. Neither should Timmy’s mommy who still thinks that every guy on (insert MMORPG here) is looking to rape her baby with a 12-inch plastic fuck-toy after giving him 10 gold online. “Politically correct Paul” and his pathetic under-graduate frat buddies who have taken an interest in trying to make the best youtube channel by deleting every comment by trolls who post the word “wet-back” in their 400-character post don’t belong online either. You see, my friends and I call each other “gook”, “spic”, “nigger”, and “cracker” all the time. We’ve come to the realization that the reason people continue to use blatant racism is because overtly sensitive people become absolutely shocked when someone throws one of these before mentioned words out, that they stop responding using their intellect, and instead use profanity and multiple obscenities proclaiming their surprise that people still use such foul language and cry for hours on end about it. If these people would stop acknowledging the word and treat it as indifferently as any other slang, the world would eventually over-look these titles of illiteracy and fear. Stop trying to stop the people from using the words. Kill the words themselves, and you’ll end the drive to use them. People will realize they have no power, and it will become an issue of the distant past before you know it. Trust me, I’ve done it.
3) Stop voting for something that you think “looks good”. I am so god damn sick of seeing every political figure as a well-polished machine-made to be folksy and understand the needs because they are “just like you”, when they aren’t. Not even close. The people running for office are dirty, disgustingly immoral people who have either already sold their dignity for a price, or are waiting for the right fortune 500 company before they toss away their moral virginity. The list of republican candidates make me want to hand them the wakizashi so they can all line-up and commit seppuku one at a time. I’d just like to take this time to congratulate President Obama on his second term in office, because there’s not a chance in hell any of these incompetent mannequins will be ousting him. Their issues are not important. They are worldview issues that the rest of this idiotic country actually cares about because they can barely read, let alone question what they are reading. Like Bill Maher has said in the past…(and I strongly agree), “I don’t WISH that its stupid, but IT IS”. Let’s list a brief list of the things the republican party cares about so much, they’re going to fuck-up another election for:
- Religion: As if they (and I, for that matter) haven’t ridden this dying carousel into the ground already. My own governor actually thinks that Obama wants to take away religious freedom, when Obama himself attends church every single week with his family. *facepalm*
- Immigration: I shouldn’t have to be the one to tell you that illegal immigration in September bottomed out at a grand “zero reported cases”. That’s right, even the “evil” immigrants who were clawing at our doorstep took one look over here, said “fuck that” and turned back around. Can you blame them?
- Socialism: This one is a big threat. Especially since we live in the 60’s with our good friend Joseph McCarthy, and every country in the world isn’t a complete hybrid of both socialism and democracy, right?
- Lower Taxes: I think we should give it to them. Eventually we can be at no taxes, and then there won’t be any taxpayers who can give their opinion, because they voted in these dumbfucks and supported their policies. Not to mention the people who support these no tax policies tend to support churches, which ironically take in the largest amount of cash in the nation and give nothing back to it as they already DON’T PAY TAXES TO BEGIN WITH. Great idea.
- Foreign Policy: Rather than make the smart move, and hold a strict policy on keeping the world working for our equal prosperity while at the same time ensuring that we’re not making more enemies, the republican party strives to not only antagonize socialist nations, but promote their countries as “evil” rather than show them for that they actually are, an alternative to what you’re familiar with. It’s suicide, and is an action that will guarantee fear perpetuates through generations to come. I’ve seen the rest of the world. Many of them are doing a lot better than we are. Maybe we should shake hands and shut the fuck up for once.
4) Americans should recap on how to protest. We’ve been out of practice for so long on civil disobedience that we’ve forgotten how it works. If this year has shown me anything useful, it’s that there are hundreds of thousands of people willing to go out and march the streets for a cause they supposedly believe in, so long as someone posts about it on facebook, and as long as it fits into their busy schedule of absolutely contradicting everything they’re protesting for. The best part is, you can’t call the action a revolution when all it takes to put the rebellion down is a single afternoon full of one police squad, a couple canisters of tear-gas, and a few riot shields. Clearly, the crowd assumed that “protest” meant that they were going to be met with friendly McDonald’s smiles and a big “thumbs up” from city officials as they passed by on their way to the “Rape You National Bank”. No, unfortunately when you become a protestor you’re a malcontent piece of garbage that anyone who has never had to scrape up change to live will look down upon, and hope you go back to your slum soon. Needless to say, they missed the marker when it came to the longevity of their occupation. Lastly, if you’re going to be one gigantic legion of randoms all hoping to accomplish something, get a leader. I don’t care WHO it is. You just need someone to help run things who isn’t interested in supplying their individual needs. Good luck finding that though. The market for people who are willing to be assassinated is getting really slim.
5) Just to throw one thing out that’s irritating, bands should not be able to switch genre. Yes Korn…I’m talking about you. Mr. Davis, you fucked up. You and your group can now say “once upon a time” about your epicness, because it’s long since gone. You’ve sold out to every single genre of music on the market, and now you’ve finally hit the bottom. Dubstep is a horrific example of what happens when a soundboard gets raped by A.M. radio, and I’m sick of listening to you aspire to be part of it. Even die-hard fans of yours decided to pine away for the good days when they heard you sucked on the dick of dumbstep. If this was feudal Japan, you’d be holding the pretty sword right now while your previous producers prepare to slice your head off from behind. As long as you fix it next album, we’ll pretend none of this happened, you idiot.
I suppose it wouldn’t be out of the question to cover one last thing before I take my leave for tonight. I’ve been gone for quite a while, and the reason being was because of the recent passing of my grandfather. I won’t go into any painstakingly relevant details, as this IS the internet. Where I’m going with this is, whenever there is a death in the family, you’re guaranteed to see one thing you don’t want to: more family. Yes, and as if they had been here the whole time, a wonderful plethora of random semi-conscious rednecks and randoms appear as if they were David fucking Copperfield to tell you how sorry they are. Now, there were a few of my relatives that I don’t see too often, and I was very excited and grateful that they showed so I could spend time with them. The majority of these people though, have little to no connection to me, and are expendable as far as I’m concerned. Many of them are deceptively dishonest, and I would only trust them as far as I can throw them. That’s why when they come around with tearful expressions and solemn tones, I have a difficult time believing that the emotions are sincere. However, the ceremony of my grandfather was for the sake of the immediate family, and I’m grateful for that fact that veterans in death are well taken care of. It’s possibly the only thing military veterans receive that is worth shit anymore.
Funerals have never been something that I’ve enjoyed going to, and not just for the obvious reasons. For me, this funeral consisted of pasting a look of melancholy distance so that I could shroud the undercurrent of disgust and resentment I wanted to show to my extended family that has NEVER been there. These people weren’t here when my grandfather was well, let alone struggling and sick, so I see no fucking reason why they should be pretending to show a sense of sympathy towards me or my family for OUR recent loss, when the only thing they lost was time to do anything else. These people might as well be strangers to me, because most of them sure as fuck aren’t family.
I’d also like to point out, that after this infuriating ceremony takes place, and the mass group of falsifiers gather to become mildly social before they scamper back off to wherever it is they spawned from, they approach me in an attempt to console me, as if they had anything to offer me that I couldn’t just as easily take out of them with a blunt object. This is where they begin their campaign of religious bullshit, trying to sell me on the idea that they personally talked to their imaginary friend and now my grandfather is now sitting comfortably on a cloud thinking about all of us. Nothing could be more insulting to my intellect, than trying to force-feed me an image that not only doesn’t exist, but trying to convince me that somehow I’m supposed to gain peace of mind through the redundant pseudo-knowledge that now my grandfather is better off. I KNOW that my grandfather is better off. He’s away from this planet, and everything horrifically wrong with it. Nothing could possibly bring me more solace than knowing his troubles are over. I played nice though, because I care about my immediate family, and I wouldn’t dare embarrass them by throwing out a “relative” who suddenly appeared caring when it’s convenient for them. They’re not my relatives…after all; I’m adopted. I can divorce who the hell I want to. Bound by blood means nothing when all I have is paperwork for these randoms, if that.
I can grant myself solace in the fact I knew my grandfather while he was still here. He was kind to me, and never dared show me anything but a smile. He treated people like true friends, even if he wasn’t sure about them. He had his issues, but he tried hard to ensure I never saw them. He lived a long, hard life full of things people only now consider a shame, because they haven’t been forced to deal with them. But most importantly, he never missed a chance to see me when it was available. That’s what makes me realize the relevance of my bond with him. I was his only grandchild. I will carry what I can of his story for as long as I can, because he was important to me. I may not have always shown it, but my life would never be the same without him there. Even with my entire belief system, I can hope there is something after death. Maybe then, I’ll understand why he always seemed so distant, and quiet. His silence, as enigmatic as the image of a thinking man is, will haunt me for the rest of my days. It was the words he never said that I want to know the most, and perhaps that’s why I connect so well with him. Both him and I shared peace in solitude, and I’m comforted by the fact that he is now free to be silent forever.
Rest in peace.
(By the way, I haven’t gotten any nicer between last year and this year…just a heads up).