Everlost, part 2
That was how the world is, and has been.
As for myself, that’s an entirely different ordeal. I’ve had worse times, but there’s still plenty to complain about. From the worst of us, to the rest of us…problems seem to create themselves lately.
For the first half of this post, I wanted to turn the attention off myself for once, because you nice people listen to me bitch enough as is to have to suffer through a two-part epoch over my apathetic sensibilities. There are many things over the past month and a half that I’ve been attempting to come to terms with. Some things more trivial than others, but relevant to share my thoughts over nonetheless.
I have an incredibly close friend of mine who has recently lost his father. This makes my heart heavy, but I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like for him. He is one of the most loyal, dedicated people I’ve ever known and for such tragedy to strike him brings a sense of cruel injustice. Seeing as how my lack of belief in a higher power is already fortified without having to point out the indiscriminate nature of such untimely demises, it goes without saying that this kind of incident can shatter one’s psyche and faith, as well as leave one empty for a long time. My friend has always kept an optimistic attitude for my sake, even when things truly were not looking up. It is because of this, and his unending drive to push me out of my slumps, that I will do everything I can to ensure that my friend returns to his familiar territory of grins and reassurance. He means that much to me, and to all the people that he has interacted with and helped I would assume they would want to get him back to his normal state as soon as possible. Time may not have healed MY wounds, but to people like him who still hold hope as a virtue, he’ll be back to his cheerful self in no time. This I promise.
My gaming community seems to be on the edge of an organizational breakthrough. After weeks of shoving them to the door, quite a few of them seem adamant about the ideal of self-governing and are lining up to challenge my administrator’s exam. I must admit, if there is any such catalyst for catharsis as the threat of extinction I don’t know what the hell it is. Every time that things seem to be slowing down, they manage to scrape together a brand new person who is not only insightful, but a highly social and productive member to our cause. Many of the new people I’ve met recently from the free to play community bring much better ideas to the table than the masses of those that we’ve managed to find in the past. This new breed of gamer is aged, but efficient. They are mature, but wild. They are willing to take risks, but are cautious at taking them. It’s something new I’m looking into with my recruiting methodology that I like to call “parallel ideology”. People who grasp your group as something other than a casual online clique are much more inclined to view YOU, and the others you’ve adopted as not just a collective, but their own cast and crew. They seem to cling to them with a bond of co-dependance, that I’m still trying to understand myself. It’s intriguing really, but only time will tell if these new methods hold true to their purpose.
I’m relatively disappointed with some of my older core members. Quite a few of them have not just become inactive; they’ve absolutely disappeared. Regardless of what kind of effect this brings to our group as a whole, it drags morale down like you would not believe. People have come to recognize it as well. One in particular understands it, and I’m hopeful of their imminent return. They’re stuck in the intricate and hectic web of the final year’s grasp, and as I recall it is important to squeeze out every drop you can while you’re still there. It was never the policy for me, as I despised the majority of these people at my final mandatory academic residence, however some fortunate people don’t. He’s also had his first touch of serious intimacy, and I would have to be a heartless bastard to not empathize with that necessity. I have been called many things in the past; most recent of which has been titled a “two-faced, hypocritical asshole”. Perhaps these people have been correct in a sense. However, I’ve always stated that my member’s lives should come first and I still believe that. I’d have to be a true prick to abandon that principle for a few brief moments of social comfort. This is him attempting to be happy for once, and this is me being happy for him. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.
As for some of the others: I refuse to level with these others. I have received lifeless excuse after the other for them forsaking us. Everything from the lack of a good computer, all the way up to the “I don’t like your current games” bullshit. This does not fly with me. These people are selfishly prancing around without a single care for the people who have stuck it out for them every step of the way. They have turned their backs on us in a time of need, and because of a misguided sense of boredom they have decided that they would rather jump ship and pretend later as if nothing happened than confront me and tell me that they can’t stand the limelight for 10 seconds. Rest assured, I’m completely cured of the disease known as unnecessary compassion. I’ve been trampled on by too many “friends” to let another one feign neutrality as I throw their ass out the door. They knew exactly what the fuck they signed up for when they looked at the disclaimer. I’m not about to compromise the respect of my other ACTUAL loyal members just so these flakey fucking few can tread on our code of conduct and what layer of mutual respect we all thought existed. These people don’t care, and if they ever did it was being held tight by an incredibly slim sense of obligation. They all come back as well. They come back, and these leeching children expect to be showered with gifts and admiration as if the prodigal son had come home. That will not be the case. I’ve been far too sympathetic to these people. If they want in, they can come tell me themselves why it is they felt they were exempt from the tenets they should’ve been adhering to this whole time. It’s not my fucking problem now. They’ve become numbers instead of names once more.
I will end on an incredibly positive note. I am no longer in a new relationship. I’m in a committed partnership with someone who really fucking gets it. She’s not disappointed with my quirks, nor is she embarrassed by my level of silliness around her. My sense of hyperlogical rationality, a mere 2nd perspective to her as she adds more than an entitled opinion to everything she says and does. Her wit, and resourcefulness astounds me as she is not only of the same mindset as I am in diplomatic situations, but also those regarding digital warfare. She’s the visage of allure, and at the same time as acutely aware of the slight vexations that drive people to murder.
She is far too sweet to me, which is quite the turn around from the general disregard and animosity that I’ve become accustomed to. She attempts to spoil me, to which I’m inclined to tell her no because she should know better than to spend not only all her time worrying about me, but her assets as well. That’s fine though. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve, and that’ll be repaid real fucking quick. It is nice being able to talk to somebody for almost the entire day and never grow weary of them or need time away. Most others by now would’ve driven me to near suicide. I guess it helps having the same taste on such a vast many levels. That whole “connection” thing that these useless dating sites attempt to claim as their hallmark is a fucking joke compared to the power of Voice-over IP, and a free-to-play gaming group. I’ll keep you updated on her though. If my powers of predetermination prove professional, then I predict a long-lasting grasp on her. Nor do I intend on jeopardizing it over some vain pursuit of something else. Calm down? Not quite yet, especially since she supports my naughty endeavors. Settle down? Now that’s negotiable. She seems worth it.
Also, one last piece of good news for all you kids out there. There will be a 2nd post tonight, or early tomorrow. BONUS MATERIAL F-T-W!
In unknown colours they confront him.
In soundless tongue they – they speak his name.
Moonred – reaching for life through eternity.
Starblack – the brooding silence, it frightens me.
The brooding silence frightens me.