Verbal warfare through radical ideals

Iridium


All was silent.

But in a flash of unscripted, awe-inspiring inevitability, the supernova shook the far corners of my color-spattered night sky and the stars came raining down over our heads. This impressive display of cosmic death occurring took place in a field, with a radiant wave of star-light illuminating the emerald hue of the grass around our forms. As the fireworks show from light-years out formed its flower above our heads, and the field of life upon which we rested swayed in the twilight-caressed breeze,  chestnut eyes met with dual turquoise pools, glowing as brightly as the anomaly unfolding around us. In that momentary lapse of purity, it was unknown to either of us whether the miracle at hand was the sight we beheld, or the one laying next to us in the last field on earth. At that moment though, it didn’t matter. What did, was the gentle swaying as the strings of light from the night sky rocked our terraformed hammock side to side for eternity.

My visions upon awakening never stray too far from “immaculately retained”. Luckily for me, this one outlasted the nightmares and novel pleasures alike. This dream was brought on for the first time not by an aspiration, but by reality itself. That’s right children. Finally, the dawn has come for me in this epoch of modern glory. As I realize the treatment I have brought upon myself unwillingly is now unconsciously bringing me to a better place, I’ve now reassured myself that I have done the right thing. It’s not a matter anymore of how much I want to wallow in apathy over it.  It’s not stopping me anymore,  and too long has it been since I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself without the state of mind of being trapped within a bubble of secluded caution. I can now step out of the metaphorical cave created by the great Plato, or perhaps it is that the cave was created by myself, and he just helped me to realize that? For whatever reason that may be, I’ve now entered into the realm of “good” and will now begin to build once more upon something that I believe is 100% worth it.

No one believes me either. Maybe it’s for the simple fact that I’ve spent so much time ushering a cynical viewpoint to the frontlines that people have forgotten that I know how to use optimism, or perhaps it’s the endless cycle of disappointments that I’ve warned people of; so much so that when I actually show them with a genuine form of sincerity something to be overjoyed by, they mistake it for satire on my part and laugh it off. 

This isn’t a joke though. By no means is this a means of me executing long-form sarcasm to show my contempt for something. This isn’t an exercise of my constant ranting, in an attempt to bring light to a subject that most people don’t consider. It’s not a grasping at straws type of desperate plea for some form of human interaction, or emotional attachment. I’m not leading you on in this post just to tell you at the end “abandon all hope, you aimlessly over-optimistic tool”!

No, for once I’m going to stick to the simplistic approach of informing you that I found something worth looking forward to everyday.  Not just for the trivial, explicit means that most people consider relevant either. Those are fine and dandy, but once you’ve had enough of it you realize that it either 1) all tastes the same, or 2) feels not unlike the rest. Pointless is swiftly followed by monotonous, and after a while you’d kill yourself just to have something different. It’s the song stinkfist all over again, but this time you take it seriously because it’s happening to you. The same cheap smile; the intolerable awkward few minutes of ridiculous silence immediately following your shameful attempt to feel something other than utter disregard of moral action.

Now you understand what polar opposite it is I speak of, I’m sure. We’re speaking of the same now. You get it, don’t you? It’s the cruel joke you have to double take on to realize someone set you up. It’s the money on the ground; placed so eerily precise that you are forced to scan your entire environment to ensure that you’re not the pawn in some dramatic scheme to play at your avarice. It’s the perfect wardrobe, with all necessary details designed to your specifications. It’s the book, or movie that leaves you in tears because of how frightfully accurate the plot was to a situation that might just as easily happen to you. I’m talking about the person, who knows all too much. The individual who grasps exactly what you’re talking about, to the degree that you almost don’t require the conversation, but relive it anyways so you can know what it looks like for someone to make you happy when they retort with why they agree with you.

It’s the phone call from an old friend; the chance to crawl in bed after a long day of exhaustive futility. It’s the comforting set of warm hands on your shoulder as you make a difficult decision, empowering you to do what is necessary. It’s the feeling of drowning, and the hand extending downward through waves of punishment to embrace you and pull you back to the surface once more. It is the light in the darkness, and the sunrise after a merciless night. It’s the mystery of not knowing, and the certainty of reassuring yourself that it’s worth it. You know now, don’t you?

Maybe it’s that one bit of happiness that you had at a single moment. It was that one, fleeting expression of belonging. It was what years, perhaps even decades of decaying friendships, decaying relationships, and blissfully ignorant relatives never bestowed upon you. It was that moment you first held hands with someone who you adored, and bashfully tried not to sweat into their palm as you quaked in your shoes. It was that moment you realized, that this entire post is about the person you either care for the most, or are perpetually searching for.

Without sounding like a hopelessly smitten child on the verge of tearing down the wall of fortitude that has been constructed through years of bad attitude; For the first time in years, I can say I’m actually more than content currently. It brings me joy to consider possibilities now, and with her help…maybe those possibilities can become our reality.

The song rings true once more, as it did on Valentine’s Day of this year. For those of you who have read this, a song by Dark Tranquillity comes to mind called “Iridium”. The song is of course up for open interpretation, but for me it has come to be known as my anthem of finding belonging. For what it is worth now, I believe I’ve finally found Iridium; however she hasn’t travelled millions of light-years away in a bright fireball of cosmic transcendence. She was sitting right next to me in a dream, watching it all happen with eyes as bright as the stars I compare them to.

Let the horizon lead
On through the ether of the night
Dragged across the burning heavens
Flying homeward like a burdened soul

Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
Iridium

Now is the time to leave
We lie awake, we stand afire
At the edge of the world
Above, mirror of light
Below, the mantle of the stars
And strangely they fall

Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
Iridium

Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
An end beyond compare
Iridium

-Jake
 
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4 responses

  1. Good story.

    http://anilbalan.com/

    September 21, 2011 at 10:47 AM

  2. Roxanne

    Valentine’s Day…. oh how I remember that post; usually one of the ones I mention when recommending you, Jake. My friend Diana still says it’s her favorite. It’s one of my favorites as well, though ‘In Search of I’ does give it some really good competition. *sigh*…. Iridium… now you make me wonder when I’ll find my iridium.

    September 23, 2011 at 11:03 PM

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