Silence, and the Firmament Withdrew
It was then.
You know exactly of the time I am speaking of.
The moment before you opened this page. Your waking moment. The moment before sleep envelopes your senses in a warm blanket. You come within this comfort zone where deafening silence is the only sound that you, and all others understand.
The moment where the argument ends. Both parties stare at each other in a stalemate of unwavering fury. No words are expressed; simply the grim comprehension that the wall has been met and the storm has passed.
You’ve informed a reluctant significant other that you’re pregnant with their child. The sudden realization that not only have you made a mistake, but you’ve made it with the wrong person strikes you deep as you question your morality, as well as theirs.
You take that which doesn’t belong to you. As covetous greed swarms about you in an unholy aura, those around you stare in an oblivious content manner, as you attempt to hide your own embarrassment and disgust at your own weakness.
Your first sexual encounter. It’s a hesitant, and nearly impossible feat to approach at first glance, and once it’s over you are confused as to your overall progress and achievement. The face you now gaze into shows just as much of a puzzled facade of excited relief, and content frustration as yours. You lay quietly, as you re-evaluate yourselves.
Your interview is heavy. As your eyes meet that of your potential superior, you realize now that you’re not only unprepared, but that you surely have answered incorrectly. Your sub par performance has shattered your morale, as you struggle to maintain an air of confidence.
You apologize multiple times, and plead for forgiveness as they try to let you down easily. You know what comes next, but you refuse to let go as they loosen their grip on you. The freedom you fear, has finally met you. They turn to leave, and all you hear is the wind whistling, the car door slam, and the engine start before despair sinks in.
The day has been long. After a constant torrential downpour of noise from people, a perpetual rant, a non-stop flow of complaints, and a furor that you’re unable to unleash builds inside; your haven can sometimes be the ride home. No more noise, no more distraction. Just you, and your collected thoughts.
The moment you realize that your prayers may not be answered. The second your faith begins to weaken, and all of the burdens of the world fall directly on top of you. In this moment, your mortality becomes painfully evident, and you grasp the fragility of your own existence.
The time that passes during a loved one’s surgery. This fairly short period of time can be excruciatingly long, and painful for some. When seconds become minutes, and minutes become hours, and all you hear is the slight tick-tock in the distance, the silence can be measured just as easily.
As you sit on the side of the road, awaiting the officer to give your account. The child’s body lays sprawled in the street, almost as if it was a mannequin that was ever so carelessly cast aside on stage. Uncertainty, and shock are understatements when met with this unparalleled experience.
When you come down off of the surreal, and falsely instilled sense of nirvana created by recreational drugs; the grim, and often shameful reality of your location and lack of purpose can without a doubt bring remorseful tidings to one’s mind.
Neglect, and carelessness on your part has led to this accident. While no one may be seriously injured, the hypothetical jumps forward to meet you like the ghost of christmas future. You won’t take your life for granted, nor that of anyone else. In this moment, you mature within.
Down on one knee, you await the verdict. Will she take your hand in marriage? Are you destined for eternity with the person now standing before you? Fear, and anxious glee are your only thought processes as that integral moment passes.
A cold air wafts into the doctor’s office as you await your test results. There’s a solemn feeling of hopelessness as you come to terms with your fate. Will you have months to live, weeks, and should you prepare to face the imminent end?
As you lay in a puddle of your own bodily fluids, you awaken from a drunken stupor. Lost, abandoned, or just cast aside, you now realize how truly alone you are. When you are considered intolerable to even those bound by blood, the apathetic nature of your own survival is all you can think about.
Whether it be the sad grip of reality, or the compassionate pull towards all forms of life; the image of a bird drowning in a layer of crude oil is enough to send any human into a state of moral-auditing. When we are the ultimate plague to our planet, how do we stop ourselves? This thought haunts many of us.
When the planet finally snaps, and nuclear war is upon you; your life stands on the brink. Survival may no longer be an option. Your faith, or lack therein prods at you. Your regrets are forced into your mind, and you long for the time to do more with your life.
The heart monitor begins its final tone as you hold tight to the hand of your loved one. As life fades from their eyes, you feel the sharp prick of woe against your throat. There is no time to prepare. The end comes all too soon, and as their last breath is drawn, you bid farewell.
You wish that words could be uttered as you drive home. There are no lingering feelings left. The downward spiral has taken its toll, and the stagnant nature of your current situation is revealed. Your only wish is that somehow you know how to fix the myriad of problems.
You write in the dead of night, every night for no particular reason other than the fairly ambitious idea of someday having your works regarded as important, or even remembered. You can’t help but think that somehow you can make a difference, if only it were easier to tell when, or even where. You have no target audience, nor do you have an avid listener. When you’re inspired by the gray of falling rain, and the night and silent water, all you can do is attempt to find that person that you can share that atmosphere with.
Silence; your greatest ally, and most fearsome enemy.