Tired of Being Alive
I apologize sincerely for my recent absence. I recently acquired an illness, and have been utterly distracted from writing here which I know you all have come to know as a fairly enjoyable, or absolutely loathsome routine. I know though, the second I didn’t post on the 22nd, you assumed the best for me.
That’s right. You all thought I went away in the “Rapture” with the rest of the die-hard, extra self-assured Christians who know exactly where they sit on the priority ladder of the almighty. Well, I’m sorry to report that none of that happened. Yes, I know the question you’re asking! How could an 89-year-old, homophobic, sub-intellectual, senile old man have miscalculated the date so carelessly?
Allow me to explain. You see, the concept of religion is a powerful tool that has been used for as long as people can remember. This tool, has been used to control and manipulate the masses into doing as the religious leaders please. This could be any cause. Whether it be the constant campaign of attempting to prove that being “holier” than others is noble, or the more popular cause which is to keep homosexuals from getting married, religion has succeeded in proving to me and others around me to never be surprised at how gullible and idiotic our world truly is.
Somewhere in between the reading of the holy text and the systematic fucking of children; only a few of these special people come to the realization that what they are reading is quite possibly the easiest and most effective ways of brainwashing people into doing their bidding! Why wouldn’t you want millions of followers trailing around behind you, quoting you and attempting to make a philosophical paradigm out of your entire set of ideals?? That’s why the large string of false prophets came along. Then again, I consider virtually all of them false so I guess it really doesn’t make a dent in my thought process.
But yes. Because of this exact thought, hundreds of desperate and beyond pitiful individuals have taken to the streets, holding up the very book they are contradicting. Their message is that of doom, and repentance. They almost unfailingly foretell of horrible events to come, and ceaselessly try to pull others into their parade of idiocy. The sad part, is that this actually works. Yes, there are people on the planet who are not only delusional enough to believe these blatant liars, they are willing to donate endless amounts of resources and actually sacrifice for these fuckin lunatics. How much more dangerous to society could you get than that?
What’s worse, is that you can tell how flimsy the argument these people have created is. They all claim to have some sort of grasp or intellectually superior comprehension over numerology or some form of cryptology, which is supposed to put people at ease with their predictions. This permits them to say anything, or come up with any unsupported idea what-so-ever and pass it off as actual research. You have no idea of the minimal time-frame it took them to formulate such a paper-thin hypothesis, nor do you realize how full of holes the idea actually is until it passes. The shock of the initial introduction of the idea is enough to cause people to not fully think about it, and slip into a fear stupor to which they are trying to find the same elaborate evidence to disprove the original theory.
People never consider the most obvious of ideas concerning these false prophets, being that they have no fucking clue what they are talking about, and have lied one too many times and now must try to disguise their false certainty with even more lies and false certainty. It’s the hallmark of all absolutely insane people. Not only are they bat-shit crazy, they’re absolutely certain beyond all doubt that they’re correct. These are the most dangerous kinds of people, as they are willing to do anything to prove their devotion to their cause, including murder or sacrifice. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if there is anything the human race continues to prove year after year, century after century, it’s that we know nothing of our world, let alone the universe around us. We are ego-driven, blind, ignorant, and horribly fearful creatures that will invent any reason at the drop of a hat to kill one another. To even consider for a moment the possibility that one of our flawed, and fragile individuals possesses supernatural powers is a foolish and idiotic thought.
Besides, the people who believe these idiots haven’t even considered the worst part about religious fanaticism. The final step in every religious fanatic’s guidebook is to get to God. Well, unfortunately it seems there’s only one definite way to do that. That’s right kids…death. So, if the that’s the last step, why don’t all of our groups of faith-based doom-worshippers just go and end it the Jim Jones way? Take that fuckin Kool-Aid, and I won’t expect a call in the morning. It seems the logical approach. Why wait on such slow methods such as what God has in store? Why wait for a global catastrophe to come and wipe you out? You can take the express train to paradise, and do it before people make it a popular trend! If you’re quick, you might even make it before Facebook decides to slap a “like” button on suicide. Honestly though, if the entire point of getting to God is to die, you have to wonder why it is that the masses of people who like imaginary omnipotent beings so much haven’t done it? Oh yes, I’ve heard the recycled desperation plea of “well, God still has plans for me here”. That’s one of my favorites. However, still bullshit. If you decided to go and end yourself today, that would still make prophecy correct. God has already written the book, and if you go and kill yourself it wouldn’t affect the causality at all. It was written already, therefore must be true. Yes, I just worked that out logically.
I’d like to consider a couple final thoughts on this issue before I promise to never bring it up again (for the next 2 weeks). For people like Harold Camping, who could only be considered the Nostradamus of our time; there should without a doubt be a limit to the amount of mind-blowing apocalyptic messages you come to offer. If we don’t set a limit on it, fuck-stick and all alike will continue to make false prophecy after false prophecy over the tirade of shit that they “just know” is coming our direction. Stupid people will continue to donate to these morons, and then we’ll see another church of Scientology or Latter Day Saints within a few years. Perhaps we should even have a license on who can make these kinds of guesses, that way we can ensure that we know which idiots are telling people what. That way, if they REEEAALLLLYYY want to spread their message, they better be prepared to wait the full 3 hours to get the license, and take an ugly picture that cops will ask to see when they’re standing on corners screaming at gay people.
The last thought that I’d like to bring up, is something that will more than likely make a few people sad pandas. In a recent study, it was concluded that 50% of Americans have claimed to have had a spiritual experience that has changed their lives in some way. Am I the only one seeing something absolutely absurd here? 50%? What, do miracles come in bundle packs at Wal-mart? Is there some website I can purchase my own miracle, or do I just have to be one of God’s chosen people? There’s no possible way I can take this seriously, seeing as how every even slightly gullible person on the planet will attribute anything to a miracle. Most people are sub-intellectual, and don’t even begin to consider the causality to which some events come about. Timing, happens to be another idea that never crosses someone’s mind when thinking of supernatural events. If you missed being hit by a storm, it’s not a miracle. It’s wind direction, pressure, elevation, sea level, wind field, and wind speed. Still some people feel the need to attribute it to the work of the almighty. This isn’t just some group of people seeing Jesus’ face in a waffle. This is 50% of our population believing that they have experienced an act of god because of some mislead sense of timing and cause.
Now. Consider for a moment this. Perhaps these people haven’t had an experience. Perhaps the longing nature of all humans for something extraordinary causes people to find what they believe to be supernatural in the mundane. Perhaps instead of finding answers to their questions, people give up early because of their initial reaction and chalk the event up to a miracle. Maybe even some will go as desperate as to CREATE a miracle out of thin air because someone they know has also had one and they wish to be in the loop. No one likes to be left out. Things like this are not as uncommon as people would believe. People are unconvincing actors sometimes. The false sincerity behind their experience is sometimes enough to give away the fact they never had a spiritual event happen, just one they WISHED had happened. Perhaps I, like you are in on a secret that we all know:
That the illusion of the supernatural is the cruelest joke to ever be played on the human race, by the human race.