Are you the rabbit?
In this moment, you consider.
You are a single unit. This didn’t come of chance. There were flames that pulled you apart. You’re not water, you’re oil. There was nothing you could do. Uphill once more, you struggle to hold onto the vanity of your happy hand holding heaven. There’s going to be hell to pay, and hell is an expensive resource. People are against you. You keep hearing the black soul choir preach their certainties of your future. Of course they’re wrong; what the fuck could they possibly know of your road. You’re the one who has been staring down the small white dotted line for the past decade. You knew what you were getting into when you signed up. Dammit, it’s so heavy.
Whether it was fear or love that kept you where you were at, you stayed. Like the loyal dog awaiting the treat from the bowl, you knew it was coming eventually. What happened when you found out that master threw out the bowl in favor of a new shock collar? At that point did you consider it to be a sign of necessity and reason, or did you feel as if you were struck by the hand you feed from once too many times? Endless wanderings aside, you are now caught below the surface of ice. Of course, everyone you’re trying to get to help you is walking above you on the ice. What do they have to worry about? You’ll find your way out eventually. But you don’t, because the ice is so incredibly cold, thick, and heavy.
So you drowned. There wasn’t anything anyone could do. The signs were all there, and they all said “keep off the ice idiot. It’s thin and your naive ass should not be treading here”. Of course, signs are for idiots and you’re not one of them. So that’s when you decided to trust the ice. Bad move. When it all caved in around you, the moments of terror and panic leading up to your demise are the worst part. Drowning, as it has been told is not all that bad (although I call bullshit). Once you realize that it’s all over, it’s downhill from there. It fills you, and of course you’re going to be disappointed to a degree unimaginable, but soon it won’t matter. It will all be over very, very soon. You want to lift this weight off of you, and push through it. But it’s easier to just sit back and relax. There’s no reason to struggle now. You’re getting comfortable in discomfort, and it’s such a heavy burden to bear.
Confusion is a dying thought. It’s the conductor of the train known as regret, which leads you to your final destination called apathy. We all know you didn’t buy a fucking ticket for the train, but for some reason you’ve received an amazing trip on it that you never wanted. Don’t fret. There are many people here. It’s a safe place, and they all understand where you’re going. You can leave your fears behind. But not too far behind. After all, on this train there are people waiting who not only understand your problems; they’re doomed to repeat them with you. I know, you’re vulnerable. I know you won’t be able to endure any more torment and agony than you’ve already tolerated. Here, we all grasp that it’s been a ridiculous transition with little to no help. But it’s a long way to the other side, and you’re not there yet. We’ve all belonged to someone, and entrusted our ideals and flaws in their accepting hands. Too bad you, like many of us found out all too late that your possessions were sitting in idle hands. They weren’t there to catch you when you fell, and simply hovered in front of you like a terrible reminder that you put yourself in this situation and you are keeping yourself from getting out. If you weren’t miserable before, you sure as hell are now. Not only have you been dragged needlessly through the murky waters of failure, now you’ve been forced to assume that they weren’t even the one dragging you. Who ever said this was a two-way street, obviously hasn’t seen your neighborhood before. Chances are, you have been on a one-way road throughout your life, and head-on collisions seemed a routine by this point. But, then you reached this point.
Suddenly, the train stops. An unforseen block on the road prevents further travel. Outside you see the footprints of another. Something comforting lies in the footprints, as they lead away from the train car and towards the woods. Their soft outline, vaguely tells of the presence of persons unknown, and with this knowledge you set forth to trace them to their source. Here you find in a clearing in the woods, an individual with their back to you. As you follow them, you hear faint whispers of the promises of virtue and satisfaction. Suddenly temptation not only prods at you, it becomes the new rule. Negotiations cease, and your caution is lifted. You feel the warm embrace of a comforting sleep encircle you, and you drift off once more down the rabbit hole to where unknown possibilities await you and your newfound dawn of eternity.
It is high time that the people on the train started following you. If they did, perhaps that heavy sense of depression would dissipate. The longing would no longer be chains holding you to the deck. You’re not going with the ferryman, and you’re not following a beacon. You took the initiative to follow the footprints, and no matter which direction you were heading at that time; forward was what you called it. I know it seems as if it’s a long way down. I know you’re not sure of what disappointments you might face. I’m undoubtedly sure that you see the temporary and finite in all that’s around you. With such a fresh memory of deceit and treachery looming overhead, who could blame you? Perhaps it is time you followed the white rabbit. No matter what shape or form, you know what it looks like. When curiosity meets surreal excitement, you’ve found the rabbit. Don’t worry, they can’t lead you that far astray. You’re much more careful now than you were before. You’ve adapted. You’ve grown, and given countless times. This time will be different, because you’re in control now.
Now, let’s go follow the footprints. Take my hand.