Today, I had a vicious revelation. It came when I was pondering my gaming community, and how many people have entered the group; not to mention how many people have left it. It was at that very moment that I realized…I am not as tolerant as my gaming community. For most of my time here, I assumed for the most part that I could pretty much tackle anything that came my way, and find humor in most shit that was brought before me. I then thought about it even longer, and came up with this atrocity you’re about to view. Most of these are stupid references from our past. Please, bear with me. I’ve never done this before.
THE §IC RAPES! CAN YOU DIG IT? THE §IC DIGS. CAN YOU RAPE IT? YOU’VE JUST BEEN RAPED BY THE §IC! CALL 1-800-GET-SICK FOR RAPE INFO! ONLY A FUCKING MORON CAN’T DODGE A ROCKET. YOUGOTBLOODALLOVERMY FUCKING SWORD!!! RUFINIIIIITTTTOOOO!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..WUUUUUUUUHHHHWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAAJAJAJAJA! HEYBROYOUMAD?BRODON’T BEMADBRO.BROCALMDOWNBRO.BROIT’S A GAMEBRO.BRODON’T BE ABRO,BRO. Mike’s a stupid cunt. MIKE-MIKE-MIKE’S A STUPID CUNT-CUNT-CUNT. Shut the fuck up you stupid dog. You know why you’re mad mike? Because you have no opposable thumbs. All dogs are mad about that, and all dogs go to heaven. Mike’s a pedophile cunt. Let’s describe mike’s sister. Remember the movie 2001 a space odyssey? Her vagina is the vortex wormhole. Remember the chest-burster alien from the movie “Alien”? That’s Jamie’s clitoris. Remember the Sarlacc pit from Return of the Jedi? Was filmed at Jamie’s vagina. RAWRAWRAWWRWRWARRWAWRWARWAWWRA G15 MENU!!!! RAWRWRARWAWARAWRWRARAW GUILD WAARRRRSSS!BROGETAWAY FROM MAH KIDSBRO! Anti’s a stupid gook. Go get the fuck back in your rice paddy you stupid gook. HELLGATE LONDON HELLGATE LONDON HELLGATE LONDON. OMFG I BLEW UP MY M.A.U WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! OMFG NUKERUNRUNRUNRUN10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BOOOOOOOOOMMMMM GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I’MA THROW ON MY UBER SHIELD MWAHAHA OMFG STOP KILLING ME YOU FUCKING FUCKS WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? *laughter and silence*.
JACK FAT JACK FAT FAT JACK FAT JACK!!! WAAHH YOU GAVE THEM MY CREDITCARDNUMBER?!?!? WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! Jack you fatty fatty fat fat. Your penguin ran interwebs are dead. Go get back in your igloo you fatass. Hey, you fuck. Your blubber can feed your entire state for the rest of the year. Why are you still here? So, how cool was it to jump over that pile of rocks and that little kid in Free Willy? *orca noises* Jack can fit every single one of us in his belly button, and still have room for the horse-head nebula. OMFG STOP ROCKETING ME INTO THE PBs!!!!!!!! OMFG STOP SPRAYING ME INTO THE PBs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG STOP SWORDING ME INTO THE PBs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay here. If you come out of base for anything, you’re fucking banned. Instantly. Stay here, I don’t want to see you outside of the fucking base. Understand? *Mr_Jack has been defeated by Random noun name #378378* OMFG WHY DIDN’T YOU COME HELP ME?!?!? OMFG!!!!!! Cry more fatty.
DAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD BBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMAAAAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNNNN!!!! DAYVEED FACKIN SPURRRRMMMAANNN. DAVID BERMAN IS A GINGER FAGGOT! DAVID BERMAN IS AN EMO-GINGER GERMAN FAG! WAAAHHH DAVID I SLAPPED HIM IN DA FACEGETOUTTA THERE!!!!!!!!! DOCKSON. DOCKSON. WE’VEGOTDOCKSON HERE! See, nobody cares! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT HEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN YA GOTTA GO YA GOTTA GO! HEY HEY HEY! IAN FREEZE!GETTHE KIDS!GETTHEM OUT OF THERE! …..HE LEFT US…..HE LEFT US! BUT THAT’S NOT……..WHAT I’M GONNA DO. Your word….is also NIGGERFAGGOT. NIIIIIGGGGGGGGAAAAAA FAAAAGGGGOOOOTTT! MAARRRGGGAARRRHHHHEETTTIIIII!!!!!!!!!!! GORMLOMI. Eh-Dominic DeCoco. FUCK YOU….ANDYOUR JEEEWWW DOGS! BOO BOO BEE BOO! MICKEY MOUSE KLLUuuuUUBB! Magicians. They’re noob. I killed them all. 5 shots. All dead. It was like bang bang bang bang. Dead dead dead dead. Jezza that’s only 4 shots. Bang/dead. BABADABEEBADABOOBADABABADABEEBADABOOBADABABADABEEBADABOOBADABABADABEEBADABOOBADABABADABEEBADABOOBADABABADABEEBADABOOBADA. I’M SPEAKIN ITTALLIIIAN!….shut up and………BUUUUYYY!!!! BUYYYY!!! BUUUUYYYY MYYYYYYYY NEW RECCCOOORRRDD!!!!!!! IIIIIII OWWNNN THE TV! I AM THE TV! THAT’S NOT HOW HE SAYS IT DAVID!!!!! I’MA GOGETMAH FUUUCKIN HAAYYNNDD KANNOONNSS. *Louie Armstrong voice* I’VEGOTSKIES OFBLUE……….CLOOOUUUDDSSS OF WHITE……….I CAN’T SING…CUZI’M A NIIIGGGUUUHHHH!!!!! DOES YAH DAD OWN A BLOOLERY? *velociraptor screech* *Tyrannosaurus Rex roar* STICK. STICK. FETCH THE STICK STUPID! No wonder you’re extinct. I’m gonna run you over when I come back down!
REEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKAAAARRRRRDDDD! Hey Richard, quit bein a fuckin emo. YOU MAD BRO?!?!?!? AJAJJAJAJAJA! RICHARD MAD. HE MAD. WHY U MAD? Just aim your shotgun at the sky Richard, I’m sure you’ll hit me. You got this bro. Just use your cannon, I mean shotgun. Shoot through 7 walls, you have a fuckin shotgun after all. Why are you wearing the emo elf outfit? I WAANNNTT YOOUURRR SKUUUUULLLL! I NEEED YOUR SKUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLL! ERRRGGGGG I HATE YOUUU! I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO THIS FUUUUCCCKKKIIINGG GAME! I QUIT!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Hey Richard, gimmie your sister. I’ll pay. Trust me. She’s worth it. Name your price. No seriously, gimmie your sister. You’re not using her… NO NOT JOHNSON! HE WAS JUST A BOY!!!!!! OMG STOP RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG STTTTOOOOPPPP RRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!! OMFG STOP BLOOOOOCCCKKKIIINNNGGG!!!!!! STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF OMFG!!!!!!!! CHEZZZZZZZZZYYYY WHY DID YOU SHOTTED MEH CHEZZZZZYYY!?!?! Cheezy, go fuck a bible. Go hug a bible cheezy. Cheezy, go hump a bible. Cheezy, you know what’s more dangerous than religion? Nothing. PRAISE WHHHIIIITTEEE JEEEEBBUUUSSS!!!!!! SORA! GET THE MUTHA FUCKIN KEYBLADE! Cap’n price…SOAP WE NEED ANOOTTHHHAA PREDDDATTTAH DRONE! These muppets don’t even know we’re here. Take em’ out quietly. On my mark; 3,2,1, *FLAME BURST* USE A SILENCER! *whispered flame burst sound* *Man on fire* Say, did you know you’re on fire? Yes, but since the last shot fired was silenced I will act like I don’t notice anything. ROACH YOU’VE BEEN SPOTTED! *WTF* ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER! WE ARRREEE LEAVING! I’M BASCH! FROM DALMASCA! -.-………..*kirisute gomen intro* JAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPAAAANNNNNNEEEESSSSSSEEEEEEEE MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT ARE YA BUUUUYYYIIIIIINNNN? WHAT ARE YA SELLLLLLIIINNN? WHAT ARE YA FUUUUCCCKKIIINNN? …………The kids. Chris, you look like white jesus. Did you know that? No seriously, you need to die and come back in a few days. HEY CHRIS YOU GOT THAT MAP MOD!??! BALLS I’VE GOT STEEL OF! STEEL BALLS I’VE OF GOT! BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS! OF I’VE GOT BALLS STEEL! STEEEEEEEEEL! You know why? *Keanu reeves voice* because I choose to.. MR ANDERSON! And then I was all like “hey chris you wanna hear this phrase again and he was all like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I’LL TELL YA WHAT I KNOW. ENGLAND PREVAILS! TOXI IS A FUCKING EMO!!!!! I BWWOOOKKKEE UPPP WITHH MYY GIIRRLLLLFFRRIIEENNNDD BLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGG BLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Toxi, go throw on your sister’s pants. Go straighten your hair Toxi. Fuckin emo. Stop being an emo toshi. TOXI-CIT-CEE! BLEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Hey gUUUUIIIsseee!!!!! I JUST ATE SOME LAXATIVES AND I’M EATING AN APPLE! ISN’T THAT COOL? OMFG I’M GONNA ROKKET PUNSH YOU IN THE THROAT!!! Damn Toxi, you sure showed that chick >.>….HEEEEEEEYYYYYYY DAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! REMEMBERURKILARNAMEANDDONTBISHABOUTITL8TRYUFUKINSNAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omfg MY NAME IS DAN AND I’M SO BAD AT GUNZ. I suck all day long, and my score is 50-1. God dammit why do I suck at this game? I can only shoot 6 people with 1 pellet and insta kill all of them with it. Fuck, I’m terrible at gunz. My K/D ratio is only 98.1% but I fucking suck. I just can’t stand to be on this game when I’m doing so terribly today. DUTCHY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUTCH BASTARD! WE MADE AMERICA YOU LITTLE FUKKK! NO WE MADE HOLLAND YOU LITTLE SHIIIIIT! YOU’RE A POTATO FARMING LITTLE FUCKIN NAZI BASTARD! Eh—WOT? EH—-WOT? EHHHHH——-WOOOOOOT? And then I pet my ttuurtttlle, and I comb my turtttlle’s haaiirr, and then I brush my turtle’s teeth, and then I fuck my goat.
*maniacal laughter and shitty heath ledger voice* I DON’T…I DON’T WANNA KILL YOU! What would I do without you? Go back to ….rippin’ off mob dealers??!? No no……………NO! Kaji you’re a fuckin guido. MY NAME IS NICO BELLIC! Shut the fuck up and go back to jersey shore kaajjjiiiii. I LIKEZ ME SOME DUBSTTEEPPP *ridiculous sound effects* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM ZEEEEEEEEEP WOPPPPPPP ZZZEEEEEEPPPPPPP MMMMMMEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW RRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRR BWOOOOOOOOOOMPPPP. BUT MOOOOOMMMMM SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! *loud crashing noises in the background* Kaji is a greasey guido cockbite who looks like he just fell out of a rerun of the sopranos! LEEEEEEVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAATHHHHHHHHEEEEEENNNNNNNN ECCCKKKSSS!!!!! SAY GET ME SOME OF MAH FUUCKKIN HAAYYNNNDD KANNOONNSS! *Deliverance banjo theme* HEY GUISE U GUISE WANNA PLLAAYY DEE EFF OOOOH? GAWD DAYMIT DAYN SHUT THE FUUUCK UPPP! YOU GOOTT A PURDY MOWF BOOOYYY! SAY TERRENCE! YES PHILIP!?!?! Thbbbbbbbb! AH HA HA HA HA HA!
I’m sooooo high riiiiight noooww. Where are you pulling YOUR SHIT FROM???!?! AWWWWWWWWW NIIGGGUUUH YOU REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN THE YES! THE YES CAN CURE ANYYYYTTHHIIIIIIINNNGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKED DOLLY PARTON! I FUCKED LORETTA LYNN! I FUCKED BARBARA MANDRILL AND I FUCKED ALL OF HER KIN!!!!!!!! I FUUUUCKKKKEDD MINNIE peeeeeeEEEAARRRLLLL!!!!!!!! I FUCKED ELVIS PRESLEY’S LITTLE GIRL! I FUCKED THE JUDDS! I FUCKED THE JUDDS! MY CUNTRY BONER! IT WON’T GO DOWN! IT WON’T GO DOWN! MY BONER! MY BONER! MY BONER WON’T GO DOWN!
And I’m a two faced, hypocritical asshole.
Through this mildly short, heavily edited myriad of examples of how I torment my gaming clan every single fucking day, I’ve come to the realization that I am honestly someone that I would’ve kicked out of my own gaming clan 200 times over by now. I’m a loud, obnoxious mother fucker and for my clan mates to tolerate me, they must either be ridiculously loyal, or beyond tolerant. They are the pinnacle of acceptance and they all deserve Nobel prizes in the field of “Not killing an annoying person when they deserve it”. My gaming clan is the hyperbolic time chamber of gaming communities, and 6 months in any other gaming group is about the equivalent of 24 hours with us. It’s never dull, and some chaos will always follow a small event. I’d like to take this time to thank my community for not taking me out back years ago and shooting me in the fuckin head. I’d also like to have a moment of silence for all the headsets that have been ruthlessly slaughtered in our Ventrilo server. If you honestly believe your group is more tolerant of bullshit, you’re a filthy fucking liar. Although if you don’t believe me, you can spend 24 hours with us by signing up at www.thesic.org. If that sounds like suicide to you, (which it probably would be) I guess you’ll just have to take it based on faith….right Cheezy?
-Jake (The disease)