Verbal warfare through radical ideals

Your Bedtime Story is Scaring Everyone


Of the vast multitudes of things on this planet that drive me absolutely insane, one of the worst of those would be politics. I’m not saying I don’t like it. It’s one of the most important fundamentals of any country. What kills me are the millions of morons prancing aimlessly about trying to carry an opinion over a topic that they haven’t bothered to take a look at since government class senior year. It’s not just our younger generation either. Some of the worst violators of this code spawn from older generations. You know exactly who I’m talking about. The ones that have their fucking faces being gently massaged by the disgustingly overrated political commentators on FOX news, CNN, and quite a few radio hosts who like to talk for hours about politics without actually having to know anything at all. These people who can’t name three branches of government, but know who to vote for without a doubt. The morons who vote based on their social interests rather than what’s good for the country as a whole.

Today, I was standing in a line when I heard two people discussing politics behind me. Being the insightful individuals that they were; the topic up for discussion was about how America thinks today on “important” political figures. That’s why the first name to come out of their mouth, was Glenn Beck. First off; unless the phrase is “Glenn Beck will never be important”, you can never use his name and that word in the same sentence. The man has the frame of reference of my guinea pig, and unfortunately I’m pretty sure my guinea pig has a much more immaculate spelling ability. Glenn Beck is one of the worst talk show hosts of all time; and that’s with him sitting next to Maury Povich, Montel Williams, and Jerry Springer. In fact; if people were to sustain serious injuries while on his show, it might actually make it entertaining for once. Glenn Beck doesn’t rehearse sketches before doing them, let alone research things before he makes conclusions over them. He follows the examples of the president who decided to write a blank check to the armed forces, and then got no use out of it. He is a devout believer in one of the most idiotic religions on the planet, a.k.a. “Mormonism”. (Although if you ask me, you can only color insanity so many times before they all look the same)

Glenn Beck is the perfect example of a registered voter in the United States today: enslaved by imagery, ill-informed, and heavily biased. The dumb-shit has the balls to go and quote Thomas Paine on TV, (a widely outspoken atheist, mind you) as if he understands exactly how his worldview works. Out of all the people on the planet who could not be considered an intellectual, Beck easily falls within that gauntlet. If you haven’t guessed it by now,  I don’t like Glenn Beck and there’s little reason for anyone else to unless you value the opinions of the neurologically disturbed.

My point to all this is; if you’re going to choose someone to admire with a political ideology, why the flying fuck would you choose someone who can’t spell “Oligarch” correctly? This man continued for a good 10 minutes until I finally began to discuss the issue with him. I asked him how anyone sane could appreciate what Beck had to say, to which he stood awe-struck. He then schooled me on exactly why my mindset was the way it was. According to this god of the mind, I’ve been conditioned by liberal media, (which is everything but FOX he implies) and I’ve been brainwashed to think that Obama is our lord and savior.  He also says that liberals are trying to restrict gun rights and take away our right to defend ourselves.

This of course makes perfect sense seeing as how after senator Gabby Giffords was shot in the head, Obama jumped right on trying to enforce gun control.

Oh wait, that’s right…he didn’t. Nor did any of the other members of the senate or congress. No, they did the stupid thing and they embraced their conservative friends. Instead of actually trying to reinstate the assault weapons ban that President George W. Dipshit decided to repeal, they just said “let’s not let this come between us” and they went about their business. I tell you, the democrats never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity. Not to mention the long timeline of democrats who have really made progress in the gun control business. Like………………………Robert, and Ted Kennedy………and………………………….

Shit. I think that’s about it.

This brings me to the point, that I’m so sick of hearing every conservative tool on the planet cry that “Obama is coming to take our guns”! Since when?! When is he coming? Did I miss the memo? Do I have to sign-up on Glenn Beck’s website?? When the flying fuck is Obama coming to take your fucking weapons? NEVER! You know why? Because president care-bear doesn’t want your god damn guns. No one who was expected to have half a brain has actually proven they have it. So shut up, and get over it.

I then asked the FOX news fan-boy if he says that because Obama is going to impose Sharia law in our country, and because he’s a secret Muslim from the non-U.S. territory known as Hawaii. The look of absolute contempt in the victim’s eyes brought at once a sense of victory to me, as I knew in his face that he wanted to say “yes” so badly it was hurting him. Yes, Obama must be a Muslim because he has one of those birth certificate things that looks almost as if it’s exactly like everyone else’s. If a conservative admits Obama is actually American, an angel loses their wings and Jesus cries. It’s so unfair that they lost to him, because he’s going to bring his secret negro army and take over the U.S. with them.  If only a more competent president, like George Romero’s classic “Night of the living McCain” had been elected. We’d be all sitting safely indoors, watching as him and his super sidekick “Bimbo Bitch” save the world from evolution, abortion, and worst of all: the “Environmental Protection Agency”. /shock

Moron then goes to his well-prepared trump card and asks me in a gruff tone, “Well, do you know YOUR president is hosting a party for socialists”? This of course is one of my favorites. When you can’t get away with saying a truly racist statement, the logical thing to do is of course make up absolutely fabricated stories about Obama’s ideology and political platform. That way you can disguise whatever below-the-surface bigotry you have with a completely reasonable fear of political structure. This is why we must fear dangerous republicans and the tea-baggers, as they are only mascots for spreading an unnatural fear of issues they haven’t studied and change.

As the man began to grin with satisfaction, he was quickly met by disappointment as I asked him the nuclear holocaust question to stop all conservative sheep.

“Can you define socialism for me”?

The line grew suddenly quiet as the man quickly thrust the man next to him into a conversation about the Texas Rangers lineup this year.

It wouldn’t have felt as rewarding, even if he had told me “you win, you socialist tree-hugging atheist cock sucker”.

I think Bill Maher said it best when he declared that, “I’ll show you Obama’s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin’s high school diploma”.

-Jake

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4 responses

  1. Beautiful. I love it – I think you just made my morning. I almost spit my orange juice out laughing at the part where you asked him to kindly define socialism for you.

    March 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM

  2. I hate when people have ‘strong’ opinions on topics they know nothing about. For example, two days ago I was discussing pro choice with a pro lifer and they said, “there should at least be a cut off for when you can’t have an abortion, if it is going to be legal anyway.” This person seriously thought that you can just abort a fetus whenever you want, even at 8 or 9 months.
    But yeah, seems like that guy you were talking to just heard someone say all that shit and decided that he too should believe it without doing any actual research of his own.

    March 24, 2011 at 5:06 PM

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