Verbal warfare through radical ideals

Sin & Sacrifice

11 meters out; she sits opposite me with a group of friends, all couples laughing amongst themselves. She appears to be only 16, or 17 in age. As I sift through the pages of the Necronomicon, I begin to wonder if she knows how painfully obvious she is making it.  She glances at her phone once every 2 minutes, and scans the crowd. She impatiently (and perhaps nervously) taps her foot on the tile floor of the food court. She finished her food ages ago, and is now watching as her friends drag by around her. She wants them to finish, and leave. Then, after a final scan around the room with her peripheral vision she slowly moves her phone below the surface of the table. It’s glow disappears at once, and she begins holding down a button on the side of it. She’s more than aware of her actions, and this is deliberate. As she feigns surprise, she looks down at her now brightly lit phone screen. She presses it to her ear quickly, and with a look of blatant disinterest proceeds to have a conversation with her conscience, telling her that lying to her friends is wrong. Clearly, she understands how horrific of an actress she is, but she continues onwards anyways. She looks disgusted, and it seems as if the person on the other end of the phone is really angering her by whatever they are saying. She shoves the phone in her pocket with a look of contempt, and shakes her head. As her friends ignorantly cater to her newfound bad mood, she gives them soft eyes. She gets up from the table she is sitting at, and as she shifts her gaze she looks directly at me. Her eyes, filled with almost a general understanding as they are met by my grin have a solemn sense of remorse behind them. She knows I just witnessed this charade, and as I take another bite of my pizza she focus shifts to her friend sitting closest to her. She leans down and gives her a big hug, and moves around to her other friend to do the same.

As she begins to slowly back pedal through the court, she says in a loud tone “Yeah, she’s being a bitch. I’ll text you when I get home”. She then moves her way towards the door on the north side of the food court, and proceeds to exit the building. At first I figured she was just looking for a quick exit from an awkward situation with her friends who are all couples. I know personally that it’s a stupid scenario, and no one likes being the only single person in a group full of adolescents ready to suck and fuck their potential mate at that moment because it’s convenient and they have nothing else to value. But, I am wrong.  As I get up to throw away my plate and place my tray up top, I look out the door to see her faint outline standing outside, peering in through the glass door. She’s staring back towards her previous table, where her friends are all finishing up. Suddenly, my interest is sparked as we make eye contact again, and I make it clear I’m going to go sit back down at the same table I just was. I pull out my book, but keep a close eye on the doorway she is waiting outside of. As her friends begin to stand and look around, she backs up from her door slightly. It’s blatantly obvious she doesn’t want her close proximity to the transparent surface giving away her current position. She judges their position to the door, and continues to back up until she is almost directly underneath the parking garage structure. She watches intently from her position 16 meters back from the door as her friends walk around the outer balcony of the ice skating rink. As they disappear below the level on the escalator, she reappears in the frame of the doorway. Her eyes fixed on them, she watches as they cross directly below her and then walk outside via the door on the first floor. She then treads where eagles dare, and watches from her outer balcony by the cover of nightfall as they exit to the parking lot, and leave the premises.

I now realize that whatever she was looking for, is still in the building. She waits for just a moment longer, and then reaches into her pocket and pulls out her cell phone once more. She then makes an actual call on her phone, and looks back through the door to scan her perimeter. A look of distracted contentment crosses her face, and she quickly re-enters the building. As she pushes past countless people, she makes her way back into the small lobby that is part of the restrooms. As she approaches a large portrait of a family on the wall, another girl approaches her from around the corner. They share a smile, and embrace warmly. She then looks the girl in the eye, and begins to kiss her passionately like you would a long-term lover. She does this for a few seconds, now completely oblivious to the public forum she is standing in. The people around her don’t matter; the watching eyes are irrelevant. Public viewpoint matters not, and the world is locked deep within her grasp for that moment. As she regains her composure, she takes the other girl’s hand in hers. They exit the restroom lobby, and proceed to walk back towards the opposite side of the food court. As she passes directly by me she gives me a big grin, to which I happily return. There need be no words said between us; no exchange of mutual understanding.  This is one of those powerful moments of cohesive comprehension that is rare. A moment where two people grasp the fragility of a situation, and the discretionary measures taken to ensure that her mission was successful. I now recognize, the sacrifices she took to maintain a healthy relationship with someone she cared for.

I do however feel sympathetic to her. Clearly, the reason she did not have her mate join her at the table was out of a sense of fear for her friend’s reactions. If she is afraid her friends will shun her for sexual orientation, I can more than understand that plight. I had many friends in high school whose circle of trust was almost non-existent because of the fact they were homosexual. It’s the lack of understanding that this world we live in shows towards them; more so this country. No matter how much progress we’ve made as a nation; the masses always seem have a blind spot to homosexuality as dirty and immoral. Whether it’s the corrupt and intolerant group-think spawned by religious tenets, or the almost synonymous ideals pushed out by the conservative moral majority; this country is blind at heart when it comes to trying to accept homosexuality. It’s a terrible crime that some older generations of parents disown their children when coming out as being gay; but it’s beyond atrocity when the person can’t even inform their friends in a generation that’s supposed to be more accepting of sexual orientation, and things considered taboo. I could care less about the views people impress upon me. Had it have been me, I would’ve brought my partner to the table with me and made it painfully clear that they can either accept it or get the fuck out. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope that girl does not continue to let her social life become the enemy of her love life. Fear compels people to do crazy things, but a sense of fearlessness is always going to get you further in this world.



7 responses

  1. Gabby

    I have to admit, I see why that ending really captures the attention. so very true, and it’s sort of the reason I ended up here!

    March 29, 2012 at 10:05 PM

  2. Gabby

    … well, I wasn’t referring to the post (though it is very good!). I meant that last sentence: “Fear compels people to do crazy things, but a sense of fearlessness is always going to get you further in this world.” THAT was what got me here.

    April 15, 2012 at 9:21 PM

  3. Gabby

    No problem! and it’s okay; I sometimes over-analyze things too, like the way I met the girl who led me here. That was a random moment!

    April 24, 2012 at 5:23 PM

  4. Gabby

    well, it was like this: I was at the library getting some books when I bumped into this girl and I saw that she dropped a bookmark or something. Nothing too impressive, just a square of paper with the “Fear compels people to do crazy things…” quote written on it. I caught up to her and asked her about it. She mentioned your blog, and we talked a bit about the books she had with her. I think she said her name was Roxanne or something like that.

    April 25, 2012 at 5:46 PM

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