Verbal warfare through radical ideals

Lifetime of The Living Dead


Over my lengthy career of being a nervous fuck-puppet for girls who wanted to waste my time and abuse my trust, I’ve come to understand that there is only one way to accurately describe my luck with serious dating. I would say a wild-fire, but that means that I would burn quickly, and seeing as how I’ve been forced to suffer quite a while under some of them, that’s not quite it. I’d even say getting sucked into undertow, because of the nature to become quickly dragged into a wave of constant accusations, and misconceptions that just eventually tend to choke the life out of you. This however was not the case with all of them, and for that I can’t tag it as such. There is however one scenario that stands above the rest; a testament of my constant struggle with a horrific nightmare that we all have been reminded of recently.

The Zombie Apocalypse.

Yes, that’s correct. The zombie apocalypse. But Jake, for what possible absurd reason could you possibly have for comparing your relationships with ladies, to a horde of flesh-devouring recently undead? I’m glad you asked. You see,  many of my ex-girlfriends (Not all of them, mind you. I do have a couple that are still friends with me…who were able to keep REALITY apart from FANTASY) seem to possess many of the traits of any George Romero film.

First off, many of my exes weren’t very smart at all. That’s not to say that they didn’t have their moments where the real world chimed in; I’m just pointing out the fact that they always seemed rather oblivious to most things around them.

Second, the majority of my exes weren’t strong at all. They all seemed as if any decision could shatter them, and to be able to come up with an opinion, or at least voice what they actually thought was a cruel gesture on my part to ask. They always were afraid to tell others “no”, and needed guidance in almost every aspect of their life. The thought of not being socially acceptable, or being blacklisted scared them; this of course led to them being intimidated by others, and anytime they felt as if they were being pushed out of the light for a second, their initial response was to become defensive and let their self-esteem blindly guide them into irrational fights.

None of them moved at a normal speed for any purpose. They never tried to be ambitious, and the couple that seemed as if they were turned out to both be cheating on me. They seemed perfectly fine living in their pitiful existence, and the thought of going anywhere right then was a thought they couldn’t muster the courage to live up to. They were all just a bit too slow, and many of them shrugged their shoulders when I informed them of my life-long goals, it was if they could care less. They were content with being slow, not doing a damn thing, and never moving fast enough to catch up to their life.

But you know the problem with all of this? They weren’t smart, strong, or very fast at all… but there were just so fucking many of them. There’s just so much you can do as a partner, lover, and friend before you become swarmed by the horde that is my army of girlfriends that have been holding me back. I can successfully say I’ve lived “Dawn of the Dead”, and all I had to do was want to get fucked, and be loved by someone.

Lesson learned. Next time I’ll shoot em’ in the head before they get a chance to try to kill me.

*drum beat begins*

Whoa oh oh oh
Whoa oh
Whoa oh

Stumble in somnambulance so
Pre-dawn corpses come to life
Armies of the dead surviving
Armies of the hungry ones

Only-ones, lonely-ones
Ripped up like shredded-wheat
Only-ones, lonely-ones
Be a sort of human picnic

This ain’t no love-in
This ain’t no happening
This ain’t no feeling in my arm

Whoa
Whoa oh
Whoa oh
Whoa oh

You think you’re a zombie, you think it’s a scene
From some monster magazine
Well, open your eyes [now/too late]
This ain’t no fantasy, boy

This ain’t no love-in
This ain’t no happening
This ain’t no feeling in my arm

Whoa
Whoa oh
Whoa oh
Whoa oh
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

-Jake
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7 responses

  1. Amber

    You know, it might not be very “strong” of a person to need reassurance…

    But it’s definitely not a mark of strength to blame your (ex)significant others for everything that went wrong in your relationships that you were BOTH contributing to.

    It is not really constructive.

    February 18, 2011 at 12:28 PM

  2. Amber

    Except that you DID say it!

    And, I agreed. On a couple occasions. I am fully aware that I say irrational shit when I’m angry.

    And I get angry easily. You’ve known this since… November I believe???

    February 18, 2011 at 2:15 PM

  3. Liane

    I like this.

    February 20, 2011 at 6:59 AM

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