Verbal warfare through radical ideals

Valentine’s Day


She was the color of TV
her mouth curled under like a metal snake
although Holy Wood was sad
they’d remember this as Valentine’s day

flies are waiting

In the Shadow of the Valley of Death
In the Shadow of the Valley of Death

slit our wrists and send us to heaven
the first flower after the flood

I saw that pregnant girl today
she didn’t know that it was dead inside
even though it was alive
some of us are really born to die

flies are waiting

In the Shadow of the Valley of Death
In the Shadow of the Valley of Death

slit our wrists and send us to heaven
the first flower after the flood

In the Shadow of the Valley of Death
In the Shadow of the Valley of Death

A glorious celebration of the remote few hours where sexual frustrations, and affectionate novelties come to life in a wonderous display of creative itinerary, and extravagant souvenirs. This day is one to remember, and for many around the globe it’s one of the few days of the year where showing someone you care is considered to be a magical moment of opportunistic glory.

However…

For quite a few people, Valentine’s Day is not only not the fairy-tale constructed holiday that our media-controlled society comes to idolize as reality. For many people everywhere, that sense of happiness is not only a distant concept; the ideals that V-day encompasses such as a feeling of belonging, a connection to another individual, and the intimacy between couples are merely ideas that are possessions of the visually attractive, and socially acceptable. On February 14th, it’s a wonderful thing to be a beautiful person, or hell…it’s a beautiful thing to be wanted on V-day in general. Unfortunately, if you’re one of those lucky people who haven’t had luck in relationships, or have been systematically raped of happiness by the deceit, treachery, and carelessness of others…you  probably aren’t a fan of Valentine’s day either. If that’s the case, you’re not going to be living a fun-filled day of events and love. This day, will be a chance for your friends, relatives, and practically an entire list of acquaintances to bring all of their “congressional medals of relationship contentment” to shove in your face, and flood you with stories as if you actually gave a shit about what color the 42′ inch stuffed monkey was. This is a day for you to reminisce about why you’re unhappy, and why it is that you cannot come to find a place you belong, or another like yourself to cherish. You’re lost among the stars, travelling like a meteor destined for nothing at all, and no celestial bodies in sight. You’ve discovered yourself like emptiness; and through this void of eternity that is every day you spend alone, you pine away for the day that you’ll be able to find that unfathomable sacred beacon of light that is known as a reason to exist.

I can say I’ve had my fair share of decent V-days. Not always though. For a few years, I had the opportunity to be able to share it with someone I thought I loved, and be able to bring them happiness, as they attempted to do for me. Had I known where it would end up now, I probably would not have returned to it with such a delusional thought that I could try to make it work. It’s very hard to have a relationship with someone who generally returns to it, pretending to care. Perhaps it’s my fault for coming back to it, with whole heart intending to work things out and be a better partner. But perhaps it’s also my fault for trying to find trust in someone with such an unreliable grip on reality, and reason to begin with. It’s a dangerous concept to try to find meaning with someone else who isn’t in control of their own life. To attempt to create purpose with someone who not only is weak in resolve, but also  justifies the injustices done to people because they are too weak to reach out and make logical sense of a situation, is an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I regret returning to the Fatalist that I came to love. It was a roadblock that smelled of the sweet aroma of comfort, that I now know is the reason she was such an effective cancer.

No, this Valentine’s day I will spend trying to make sense of it all. It will be spent purposefully alone, because of informed decisions I have made over previous months. Perhaps from all this I can find some sort of reason behind all of this mess I am involved in now. There’s bound to be more to this existence than the pointless, and trivial nature of blindly searching for a potential mate at the cost of my patience, and sanity. I’m unwavering in my pursuit though. Why must it be a necessary action to many to jeopardize the nature of one’s character simply to be content with their life, and relationship?  I will only compromise when I am sure that the person I am with has accepted who I am before I decide to give up a part of myself for them. That’s the Valentine’s day I look forward to.

The individual spirit of the unique is something rare, and is to be treasured the same as the scarce mineral Iridium…an invaluable gift that has travelled a long way to reach its final destination; a place that loves it, and needs it.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you who feel you aren’t beautiful, loved, or valued. I hope you can find solace in my words, and a purpose of your own with a partner who completes you. I’ll let you all know when that time comes for me.

Shattered into a million brighter stars
we fragile, naked, rare
Scattered across forever
Out from creations core
An end beyond compare
Iridium
-Jake
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One response

  1. Liane

    I really wish I knew you a week ago so that I could have read this on Monday, because fuck that day.

    February 20, 2011 at 7:33 AM

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